Opinion: Slow Dating Is Here and Apps Are Already Behind

A new dating trend is here, but I don’t think it’s actually a trend at all. It’s called slow dating — a practice that is, more often than not, stemming from the dating burnout that both TikTokers and older folks alike are ranting about — and it’s something worth looking into. 

Ahem, I’m talking to you dating industry professionals. 

It’s no secret that dating app users are burnt out. Nearly 80% of app users feel disillusioned by the prospect of another swipe. Hell, even daters attempting dating the good ol’ fashioned way in 2026 are burnt out with date after date. The truth is, dating is complicated.

The other truth about it, though? It can also be rewarding, lovely, all-encompassing, and lead to a beautiful partner (or, if you’re like me, multiple partners) in life.

Enter: slow dating. A dating style that’s actually a very direct response to app-induced overload  — and no, it’s not just a niche preference for finicky daters.

Don’t believe me? Take it from Jill Dunn, a professional matchmaker who’s been working in the dating scene for over a decade, who has seen this shift to slow dating firsthand.

“Most of my private matchmaking clients seek out my services not because they’ve given up on dating, but because they’re burned out by chaotic, high-volume dating.”

“Most of my private matchmaking clients seek out my services not because they’ve given up on dating, but because they’re burned out by chaotic, high-volume dating,” Dunn tells Dating News.

No, slow dating isn’t anti-app, either. It’s just a new way of dating that apps should really consider paying close attention to. 

What Is Slow Dating?

Before you go thinking it, slow dating isn’t like following the old school (and much outdated) rule of third in dating: no sex until the third date. Rather, it’s a much more intentional and purposeful way of meeting matches.

“Slow dating is an intentional approach to dating that prioritizes quality of connection over speed or volume.”

“Slow dating is an intentional approach to dating that prioritizes quality of connection over speed or volume.” Dunn said, “Slow dating isn’t about moving slowly for the sake of it, it’s removing unnecessary pressure, distraction, and noise so genuine connection has the space to form.”

According to a recent Vice article, slow dating is more about being present in your dating life. Rather than forcing a connection, they say, it’s a process of allowing relationships to build and unfold naturally. And, no surprise there, that takes time and intention.

Something that, unfortunately, most dating apps don’t really prioritize. It’s all about speed, matching with folks as quickly as possible. The go, go, go of it all.

But slow dating, at its core, is truly about intentional pacing, having fewer simultaneous connections (goodbye to chatting with 10 matches at a time) and having emotional, not just sexual, chemistry. It all sounds great, if I do say so myself.

Basically, when I think of slow dating, I think about what pre-app dating was like. Saying hello, taking your time, meeting folks in person, getting caught up in the whimsy of it all. Sign me (and many of your users) up.

Do Dating Apps Help or Hurt Slow Daters?

Currently, when one goes on a dating app, or any other app, typically a few things might stick out: Dating requires speed, some sort of novelty, and of course, constant availability. Of course, these all go against the idea that slow dating is trying to get across.

“This structure encourages comparison and premature evaluation, while also creating the illusion of an endless dating pool,” Dunn adds.

Important nuance for industry readers

Who’s to say that dating apps can’t also incorporate slow dating into their sales pitch? In my opinion, I think that close dating can happen on happens — but as of right now, it’s only through user-imposed constraints. 

As Dunn describes it, success in slow dating (currently, but maybe not forever!) comes from the user having the discipline to practice dating this way, not from the platform’s support.

But hey, if you’re paying attention, you should know that slow dating isn’t just trendy, but a thing that’s likely here to stay. Consider the ways folks are trying to go back in time — spending less time on screens, getting outside, listening to CDs or records vs. their streaming services — and it’s only the same with dating. 

It’s like a dating analog. But, of course, you need users on your app. So how can you make your app feel like an analog (AKA a slow way of dating?) 

Should Apps Ask Users If They’re Slow Daters—or Build a Separate Interface?

One way, I think to incorporate slow dating on your platform, is to simply ask your users: Are you into slow dating or something different?

No, this wouldn’t be to label users on their profiles, or give them a badge that other people can see. Rather, it would give your platform the ability to tweak that person’s interface so they experience the app differently — more analog, perhaps. Slow dating only works on apps when behavior is supported by design, not just self-identified labels.

“People can label themselves however they want on a dating profile, but without changes to the underlying mechanics of the app… those labels are largely meaningless,” Dunn said.

Here’s some food for thought: Dunn and I are of the opinion that a true slow-dating experience would require fewer matches, pacing mechanisms and limits on parallel conversations. And maybe, just maybe, what it will take is the industry realizing that people actually want a less-is-more approach when finding their love (or loves.)

“People want fewer first dates, deeper conversations, and a stronger sense of direction,” Dunn explains. “The future of dating isn’t faster or flashier — it’s calmer, clearer, and more intentional.”

How Dating Apps Can Practically Support Slow Dating

Ready to practically support slow dating? 

• Limit the number of active matches or conversations anyone can have at a given time. 
• Encourage longer, values-based conversations before unlocking new matches (I’d personally love this!) 
• Require conversation closure before opening new threads… I mean goodbye ghosting?! 
• And maybe even build out intentional pauses in the dating experience, instead of constant push notifications.

When dating slows down, decision-making improves, and so do the relationships folks can build on your platform.

Slow Dating Isn’t a Rejection of Apps—It’s an Evolution

Remember, slow dating isn’t the end of apps for folks who use them. In fact, if you’re present and mindful about the dating experience (hey, you could consider this slow dating, yourself) then you can include it within your own app experience.

After all, all slow dating represents is a natural human desire that we all have: fewer distractions, clearer intention, and deeper connections that mean something. 

Make that happen with slow dating in mind.