When Covid-19 vaccinations began making their way to the general public, those of us living in lockdown were understandably excited. We heard a lot of talk about the boom the travel industry, the wedding industry, and the U.S. economy would see once the pandemic was over.
In the dating scene, singles seemed to be chomping at the bit as well. The term “hot vax summer” became widespread as many people anticipated that 2020’s romantic dry spell would end with a flood of one-night stands, dating adventures, and new relationships.
Alas, researchers have crunched the numbers and found little evidence that the summer of 2021 was a golden age of sexual awakening. In fact, a new survey indicates it was exactly the opposite.
The Kinsey Institute, which is a member of the National Coalition for Sexual Health (NCSH), surveyed Americans (ages 18 -35) to find out what they experienced on the ground.
Kinsey Institute research fellow Dr. Justin Lehmiller said the COVID-19 pandemic has had a measurable negative impact on mental health, sexual drive, and the ability to achieve orgasm.
“During the pandemic, young adults felt disproportionately stressed and lonely, both of which are known causes of sexual problems,” he said. “Since young adults are also less likely to be in established relationships, they may be less comfortable discussing sexual matters with their partners, which can make it harder to find solutions.”
The researchers found that many singles said they had begun avoiding sex because of their sexual difficulties. So instead of a Hot Vax Summer, a generation of silently frustrated and stressed individuals lived through a No Sex Summer.
The National Coalition for Sexual Health has an abundance of resources to offer singles and couples in romantic relationships.The coalition’s goal is to help Americans enjoy good sexual health, including a pleasurable sex life, and it recently released a Guide to Sexual Concerns and Pleasure to help people solve issues in the bedroom during the pandemic and beyond.
Over Half of Americans Have Experienced Sexual Difficulties
The Kinsey Institute at Indiana University has spent over 75 years studying sexual habits, trends, and activity. Its library includes over 500,000 items that span approximately 2,000 years of human sexual behavior. Such educational resources can offer insights to people who want to understand their bodies, their relationships, and their sexual health.
Dr. Justin Lehmiller’s latest research found that over half of young Americans reported experiencing sexual difficulties during the COVID-19 pandemic. Their issues ranged from mismatched sex drives to the inability to maintain an erection.
The online survey was independently funded by Lovehoney and conducted by Prodege from May 27, 2021 to June 5, 2021. The sample was balanced to ensure it represented the U.S. population in terms of age, gender identity, household income, region, and ethnicity.
The data found that couples reported being more satisfied (42%) with their sex lives than did singles (20%). Many couples have built a relationship of trust that allows them to communicate about important issues as they arise, so it makes sense that they have been more resilient to sexual frustrations.
The research shows that 47% of respondent in relationships increased communication with their partners to deal with sexual problems. Only 15% of singles said the same.
Additionally, 60% of survey participants in relationships and 42% of single respondents said they had tried new sexual activities in an effort to get out of their sex rut. Trying a new position or using a sex toy or lube can be a simple solution for some couples, but sometimes the sexual dysfunction has a deeper cause that needs to be addressed by professionals in the medical field or in sex therapy.
Dr. Tameca Harris-Jackson is a sex therapist and certified sexuality educator who has been working with couples for over 15 years. She is also the Founder and Director of Hope & Serenity Health Services. She worked with the NCSH to create guidelines to help individuals address sexual intimacy concerns.
“From what I’m seeing on the therapeutic side, previous norms [in sexual activity] will not exist as we knew them. People are realizing there’s a different way of being and existing,” she said.
Essential Advice to Address Concerns & Resolve Issues
Sexual dysfunction has become the new normal for too many couples over the last couple of years, yet it remains stigmatized as a taboo topic in the U.S. As a result, few Americans have sought professional support. The survey found that only 5% of women and 13% of men reported consulting with a doctor or a therapist about their sexual difficulties.
The Covid-19 pandemic has exacerbated some sexual issues, but it has also created a unique space for introspection and self-growth. All around the world, singles and couples have learned more about who they are and what they want. As we’ve seen with the resigning and hesitating trends, many people have new priorities in their relationships and new goals for their lives going forward.
“Many people are finding they’re learning how to discover how to be with their partner or partners in new ways,” Dr. Tameca Harris-Jackson said. “It’s exciting but there’s lots of fear and trepidation as well. This might be a place of transition for them.”
NCSH and its over 200 members want to help singles and couples get the best possible start on the next chapter of their sex lives, so they’ve collaborated on the Guide to Sexual Concerns and Pleasure, which is a free resource geared toward sexually active people.
The guide offers educational materials and practical strategies for maintaining a healthy sex life. The experts emphasize that sexual dysfunction can stem from health concerns (lack of sleep, high blood pressure, menopause, etc.) as well as emotional issues (low self-esteem, stress, etc.), and couples need to identify the root cause if they’re going to solve the problem.
If you think your sexual concerns stem from physical causes, your first step should be to talk to a health care provider.
On the other hand, when the issues are emotional, it is important to have an open and honest conversation about how you’re feeling and what you need. The Guide to Sexual Concerns and Pleasure offers scripts and suggestions for how to approach such a conversation.
“For people who are dating or with partners, one of the keys to addressing sexual concerns is to acknowledge it and talk about it,” Dr. Tameca Harris-Jackson told us. “It’s important not to go into the discussion with blame or anger or while the other person is occupied. You want to be in a place where you’re coming together to address the concerns and support one another — and that may include seeking the support of a professional.”
She recommended starting with “I” statements and expressing your perspective without placing judgment on a sexual partner or partners.
Some find they aren’t making enough time for their relationship, and they create a plan to have more date nights. Others may feel disconnected because of mismatched desires or lost trust, and they may want to attend sex therapy sessions to work through issues as they arise.
Sex therapists are trained to listen to sensitive concerns, posit research-based ideas, and recommend solutions that can open the door to more positive sexual experiences.
The American Association of Sexuality, Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) has a referral directory for people looking for professional support with sexual issues.
NCSH Experts Urge Couples to Have Honest Conversations
One of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship is clear and honest communication between partners. Even if the topic is sometimes uncomfortable or contentious, couples need to face it if they’re going to solve it.
“Don’t wait if you feel that there is something you want to address personally or in your relationship,” Dr. Tameca Harris-Jackson said. “It’s helpful to check in and see if a partner wants to talk or if you need support from a professional. Whatever you do, don’t ignore it.”
She said that most of the couples she sees for sex therapy say some version of “I wish I had done this sooner.” Sex isn’t often openly discussed as a health issue in American society, so individuals experiencing problems may feel shame and avoid addressing the subject. That’s something the National Coalition for Sexual Health aims to address by tapping the expertise of researchers and professionals, including sex therapist Dr. Tameca Harris-Jackson.
“Society teaches us that love looks like storybooks, and there is never a therapist in storybooks,” she said. “People come into relationships or partnerships not knowing how to navigate it when it doesn’t work out the way they thought. My encouragement is to give sex therapy a try.”
