Key Takeaways

The Netflix reality show “Love on the Spectrum” didn’t seem destined to be a major hit when it premiered in 2022. But its authentic portrayal of neurodiverse dating resonated deeply — not just with curious viewers, but with neurodivergent individuals who could finally say, “Someone out there understands.” 

Approximately 20% of the population identifies as neurodiverse, and yet, 94% of neurodivergent survey respondents told the dating app Mattr Social that they have been “misunderstood” by digital matchmaking as a whole. 

And 61% said they didn’t feel “accurately represented” by most dating apps, suggesting that the swiping and profile-stalking we’ve all grown accustomed to is not an accessible form of matchmaking for most neurodiverse individuals. 

People on the spectrum each approach dating and intimacy with varying degrees of comfort and understanding, making it difficult for developers to establish a single formula for success in the vein of, say, Tinder or Bumble. 

There’s an opportunity to make a real impact within the neurodiverse dating community, and to create a scalable platform with strong growth potential — so long as these platforms are designed with the needs and nuance of the neurodiverse community in mind. 

What Inclusive Design Looks Like for the Neurodiverse 

Jeremy Hamburgh, dating coach to the neurodiverse community and founder of My Best Social Life, spoke to DatingNews about how neurodivergent inclusion in the dating app industry is potentially impactful, but also “potentially a big risk.” 

“I’ve personally not met anybody who said, ‘Yeah, I met my significant other [on a dating app for neurodivergent daters],’” he told us. But this could change if the industry starts designing dating apps with the neurodivergent experience in mind. 

Developers must understand that they’re catering to a diverse group of people who fall on a spectrum, each with vastly different needs and dating goals, not to mention a varying degree of understanding around basic social cues. 

For these daters, an app would need to provide more consistent and straightforward guidance, as well as intuitive features that aid in communication. 

Jamie Johnston, founder of Mattr Social, described how his app’s features create a low-stakes and comfortable environment for neurodiverse daters to explore the dating process. 

A time-out toggle, for example, allows users to indicate to potential matches that they’re taking a break from the app, but are still open to connecting. Videos and voice-activated texting provides a layer of accessibility for users who prefer to express themselves via speech instead of the written word. 

And instead of being coy, Mattr Social encourages users to be honest about their personalities and interests. Case in point: the Honesty Box, which lets Mattr Social users establish red flags and dealbreakers early on in the matchmaking process. 

These alternate communication methods allow users to express vital, yet nuanced, concepts like consent in whichever way is comfortable to them. 

“Some people with autism … struggle with knowing what’s appropriate and what’s appropriate,” Hamburgh told us. Only a platform that takes the time to explain these concepts and offer additional resources to promote understanding will create a genuinely accessible space for neurodiverse daters. 

“Engaging” Design May Alienate Neurodiverse Daters

Dating apps for people on the neurodiversity spectrum exist, some more accessible than others, with more recent additions like Mattr Social and Wable created by people who understand the neurodiverse experience on a personal level. 

But this doesn’t mean apps are the most effective matchmaking tools for neurodiverse daters. Hamburgh pointed out how the characteristics that traditionally make apps more engaging — a bright and animated interface or a gamified structure based on swipes, for instance — can have the opposite effect for some neurodiverse daters. 

“One of the big problems with a lot of dating apps for neurodiverse people is that it’s too stimulating,” he explained. “There are too many choices, and they don’t know what to do or where to start. There’s a level of overwhelm.” 

Johnston agreed that the chaotic dating app environment isn’t always conducive to intimacy for neurodiverse daters — he had a different goal in mind for Mattr Social users: 

“We won’t make this addictive, we’re going to limit your choice, we’re going to make this a more human and normal environment for you to be in,” he assured users. “We’re not going to trigger you, we’re not going to overwhelm you, we’re not going to addict you.” 

Neurotypical dating platforms aren’t the whole problem, he explained. 

Johnston said it’s online dating culture in general that’s misaligned with the average neurodiverse experience. “These apps … foster low self esteem, competitiveness, all those kinds of things. Why are they so competitive? Why do they make you feel like you have to be perfect?” 

To combat this, Mattr Social gives neurodiverse daters a non-stimulating space to explore intimacy. 

Mattr Social takes special care not to over-stimulate users with matches, prompts, and notifications. Matches are curated through personality questions, not swipes, which means users receive approximately seven matches per day. 

Limited matches per day means daters can take their time writing their response and honing their dating skills. 

Investing Millions in Meaningful Representation  

In September, Wable, the Australia-based social networking app tailored to the neurodiverse experience, raised $1.5 million to fund its international expansion to the U.K. and U.S. The app takes a well-rounded approach to neurodivergent dating, taking into account the importance of community support.

In fact, there are job boards and community resources on the app in addition to dating and matchmaking features. 

Wable isn’t just another meek excuse to generate engagement in a niche sector; it’s founder Holly Fowler’s attempt to make a positive impact in the neurodiverse dating community she learned about from “Love on the Spectrum” — a community that has gone largely unexplored in the dating industry. 

Having neurodiverse leaders at the app allows it to address problems only those with that specific worldview would understand, such as one’s impulse to hide the neurodiverse aspects of their personality. “We don’t want you to mask, we want you to be yourself,” Johnston pointed out. 

For some people, dating apps will always be too overstimulating, which is why real-life coaches may be a more accessible alternative to dating apps for some neurodiverse daters, Hamburgh noted. 

After all, it’s clear that there’s not only a market for neurodiverse dating, but a diverse and eager one at that. Dating apps built around these niche identities get at the heart of why people date: to find someone who understands and complements their own identity.