The Scoop: Dr. Paulette Sherman has worked as a licensed psychologist, certified life coach, and dating and relationship expert for over 20 years. In that time, she has helped singles and couples become more conscious and deliberate in their actions, using the Law of Attraction to help them visualize and manifest their best life. Her book “Dating From the Inside Out” details her mindful approach to counseling and challenges daters to change their thinking so they can change their lives.
When I was 22, I moved to a suburb I’d never heard of to work on a presidential campaign. The office was sparsely decorated with donated furniture and hand-written posters, and I worked for gas cards and free rent. Basically, it was an adventure. My job as a field organizer was to build a team of volunteers to help me knock on doors, register voters, and make calls. I didn’t know exactly how I’d do that, but I was excited to try.
A month later, I had over 80 regular volunteers on the giant calendar I’d taped to the wall. One of my volunteers would drive 30 minutes to help out at my office, even though there was another office much closer to her home. “Quality attracts quality,” is what she told me when I’d suggested she change teams. “Your positive energy makes good people want to be with you.”
I didn’t know it at the time, but she was outlining one of the basic tenets of the Law of Attraction, which states that our thoughts and beliefs will attract people and results that match those attitudes.
If you have a sunny disposition, people naturally want to be around you, but the Law of Attraction goes deeper than that, positing the idea that visualizing success can actually put someone on the path to success. According to this line of thinking, one’s personal beliefs can make or break their success in all areas of life, including in the dating scene.
Dr. Paulette Sherman, author of “Dating From the Inside Out” and the soon-to-be-published “Marriage From the Inside Out,” has spent more than 20 years working with singles and couples in private counseling and coaching sessions. This licensed psychologist has seen firsthand how the Law of Attraction plays out in the dating scene.
“The Law of Attraction says that we attract who we are and what we think about,” she said. “Another way to say this is, ‘We create from the inside out.’ By aligning your thoughts and feelings with what you want, you create internal readiness to achieve it.”
Melding Insight With Action to Yield Results
Some dating coaches take a results-oriented approach to coaching. They focus on taking action and landing dates without touching on the deeper motivations spurring their clients forward. Dr. Paulette has spent her career delving into the thoughts and feelings behind people’s actions, and she has used that understanding to change her clients’ perspective on their love lives.
Dr. Paulette told us that by understanding the Law of Attraction, singles can align their thoughts with their actions and become more successful daters.
“I’ve always said that taking action without the right insight probably won’t produce the results you want because your psychology stops you from maintaining it,” Dr. Paulette said.
For instance, if singles tell themselves they’re ugly, dumb, or unworthy of love, those negative internal beliefs will manifest externally and drive potential dates away. Sometimes singles create their own barriers to loving relationships with false beliefs. Maybe you’ve heard some of them: “All men are liars” or “Women don’t like nice guys” or “I’m not good enough.”
These pessimistic ideas repel daters and create negative experiences, which only reinforce the person’s bad attitude. Dr. Paulette aims to break that cycle in therapeutic dating coaching and couples counseling sessions.
“In a sense, some singles have already psychologically and emotionally rehearsed the doom of their dates,” Dr. Paulette said. “In contrast, if a single person tells herself all the ways that she’s a great catch and that there are wonderful men out there and that dating is fun — it’s much more likely that she would attract or create a positive experience.”
Urging Clients to Take Responsibility & Make a Change
During private coaching sessions, Dr. Paulette makes an effort to bring the client’s unconscious impulses and beliefs to the forefront of the conversation. She offers her insights based on the Law of Attraction to help singles see how they can attract dream dates and satisfying relationships.
“We can set ourselves up for success or failure before we even leave the house,” Dr. Paulette explained. “It begins with our self-esteem, confidence, how we talk to ourselves, and what we think and feel about dating.”
Dr. Paulette said that many singles blame dating sites or apps without looking inside themselves and taking responsibility for their actions and energy. By drawing from the Law of Attraction, Dr. Paulette empowers singles to turn their love lives around and create the life they’ve been dreaming about for so long.
“The Law of Attraction makes you a creator — not a victim of circumstance,” Dr. Paulette said. “You can fine-tune what you are attracting by aligning your mindset, thoughts, and feelings.”
Couples can also use the Law of Attraction to change their lives by taking responsibility for what they are creating in their relationship rather than pointing fingers and playing the blame game. They can take ownership for their actions and commit to creating more positive results.
“They can align what they are saying and thinking and feeling with the relationship they say they want,” Dr. Paulette said, “and make sure that it moves the relationship forward.”
Therapeutic Coaching Leads to Deep Healing Moments
In 2008, Dr. Paulette developed an inside-out approach to counseling, and she shared her takeaways in her book, “Dating From the Inside Out,” which was published by Atria Books. Her second book, “Marriage From the Inside Out” is set to come out next year.
“Many dating books tell you how to act or dress or what to do to get the guy or gal — in essence, to be something different from who you are,” said one reader in an Amazon review. “Dr. Sherman points out that if you want someone who really wants to be with you, you’re better off truly being yourself.”
Dr. Paulette starts with the internal issues and works her way out. Her approach is all about psychologically preparing people for love and marriage. She gets them in the proper mindset so they can embrace opportunities and create good results simply by being positive, authentic, and deliberate.
“You prepare the conditions for success so they are ready to embrace and maintain it,” she said. “People may say they want a good marriage but push their spouse away with criticism and threats. Much of that is unconscious or old patterning, and they cannot change it unless they become conscious of it.”
Once singles recognize their bad patterns, they can start visualizing a different future and reforming negative thoughts and behaviors. Dr. Paulette told us she has seen many success stories as individuals and couples take her message to heart and use it to transform their lives. She has seen singles get in loving relationships, and she has seen couples rekindle their romance by taking conscious actions.
“I help couples stop feeling so angry and hopeless and begin to feel inspired, hopeful, and self-reflective,” said Dr. Paulette. “This ultimately leads to more loving marriages. It also helps daters to feel more worthy about the love they wish to attract.”
Dr. Paulette Sherman Removes Inner Roadblocks to Love
Working on a campaign when I was fresh out of college was an invigorating experience, and it helped me discover what I was capable of and what kind of person I wanted to be. I came away from the campaign with many valuable friendships and an even more valuable lesson about how an optimistic attitude can lead to success.
Whether you’re trying to recruit volunteers or get a date, your positivity can help you surround yourself with good people and good karma. The Law of Attraction emphasizes the power of one’s thoughts to create enriching experiences and attract quality people. Dr. Paulette Sherman has drawn from this age-old philosophy to inspire her clients to change how they think, feel, and act in the dating scene. Her positive influence as a coach, author, and psychologist has helped thousands of singles and couples become the best version of themselves they can be.
“I’m hoping that my work will impact the dating and relationship industry by helping people transform their relationships by transforming themselves,” said Dr. Paulette. “If both people do so, not only will their relationship be improved but so will their other relationships because of who they have now become.”