Couples Therapy Has Never Been Easier to Access, But It’s Still Not a Quick Fix

Good therapy is hard to find. And by “good therapy,” I mean more than a qualified therapist who has space for another client. Getting what you want out of therapy requires intention and patience, whether that’s a healthier relationship or healing from past experiences.

I’ve been on-again off-again with therapy since I was a teenager, and I can tell you that things usually get more difficult in therapy before they start to get better. I can also tell you that you won’t jive with every therapist you meet, even if they’re great on paper, and sometimes it takes a long time to find a good match. 

When I lived in southeast Atlanta, I had a therapist whose office was in a suburb to the northwest of the city. We met at 4 p.m. on Tuesdays. That meant I was spending upward of two hours in traffic every time I went to therapy. I think that alone was making me feel worse.

So many different factors will influence whether you and a therapist click. The best therapist I had came to me through unlikely means: the free counseling and psychology services at my college. I saw her for nearly two years and she was one of those therapists who truly changed my life.

If you’ve been feeling like it’s time for counseling, whether that’s for you or your relationship, choosing the right therapist is essential. In the era of telemedicine, finding virtual and local therapists is easy. But that doesn’t mean therapy is a quick fix for all your problems.

If you don’t believe me, you can take Benu Lahiry’s word for it. Benu is a Marriage and Family Therapist and the Chief Clinical Officer of Ours, a modern-day relationship wellness service that offers virtual couples therapy and premarital counseling.

Throughout Benu’s career, she’s worked with couples struggling with everything from infidelity to parenting. Services like Ours have removed many of the accessibility barriers that have kept people from pursuing couples therapy in the past. But she told us that finding therapy is just the first step.

“When I first started my practice, I noticed there was a huge disconnect with couples therapy,” Benu said. “It was easy to find therapists, but it was really hard to find the right one because there are so many counseling degrees, but not all cover relationships.”

Benu’s Journey to Couples Therapy

Before Benu was a therapist, she was working with corporate startups. Working in corporate spaces throughout her 20s, she learned a lot about relationships. “I was fascinated by the relational dynamics within a company,” she told us. “Particularly when you’re building a company and looking at founder dynamics.”

Our relationships to one another, and the complexities they bring to our lives, don’t just stay at home. As Benu worked with founders, co-founders, CEOs, and other people building companies, she realized that their workplace relationship dynamics looked similar to the dynamics between a married couple.

Benu got thinking about her own relationship. She got married in her mid-twenties, which she told us felt young for her generation. Her husband is a corporate trial litigator, so between the two of them, there were plenty of conversations to be had about work, relationships, and the place where they meet.

The issue was there was no time to have these conversations. 

“He was in his first year as a law associate and I was the first employee at an early-stage VC-backed start-up company,” Benu said. “My husband and I never saw each other. We were working nearly 18-hour days– it was definitely the hardest period of our marriage.”

Benu wasn’t just thinking about her and her husband’s work schedules. She was also thinking about their distinct backgrounds, and how their differences inform their marriage.

“I’m in an interracial marriage and we’re from different cultures, different religions, different attitudes and expectations,” Benu said.

“I was wondering what the language was around how to talk about our experiences, particularly our differences and expectations for what each of us needed in the relationship.  Most importantly, I wanted the dialogue to be productive and carried with empathy. It was not something that felt intuitive. “

When her husband continued to suggest the two of them go to couples therapy, she was unsure. But the couple went, and Benu said it was one of the best decisions they’ve ever made.

“I still look back on those foundational tools that we learned, and the other things that we unlearned,” Benu said. “Therapy is learning, but it’s a lot of unlearning.” 

Benu decided to become a therapist, and throughout her education and clinical experience, she realized that couples face unique challenges when it comes to finding and securing high-quality counseling.

“Depending on what state you’re working for licensure in, you have to do thousands of hours of supervised therapy,” Benu explained. “You work with individuals, groups, families, couples, and children– it’s a long process.”

Throughout this process, therapists often hone their skills and specializations. Benu said part of the inspiration behind Ours was to connect couples with therapists who specialize in couples counseling.

Ours Brings Relational Wellness to You

Ours’ mission is to make high-quality couples therapy accessible.

At first, Ours was designed for couples who were about to get married. The platform catered to people who were hesitant about couples therapy, providing couples with a simple and self-controlled path to deeper intimacy.

“Now, we’ve expanded by offering couples therapy and individual therapy that’s focused on relationships,” Benu said. “We want Ours to be the hub for all things relationships.”

Ours resources extend beyond therapy. You can find articles and resources cultivated by licensed professionals in the mental health field. “Ours is aiming to be this central place where information is trusted,” Benu said. “It’s run by people who are passionate about couples therapy.”

If you’re interested in counseling on Ours, getting started with the process begins with onboarding. You and your partner will spend about five minutes answering Ours questions about what you’re looking for from therapy. 

This initial screening will ask you questions about your background, your current struggles, and what your therapy non-negotiables are. Once you’ve completed your screening, Ours will match you with a therapist. 

You’ll be matched based on your screening answers, so make sure you take your time and consider what you really want out of the experience. 

Once you’ve been matched with a therapist, you can take a look at their in-platform calendars to select an appointment time. Between sessions with your counselor, you and your partner have access to digital tools that help strengthen your relationship between sessions.

One of these tools, Rose Bud Thorns, is used for weekly reflections. You and your partner get to reflect on what’s been going right in your relationship, what could use a little improvement, and what you’re looking forward to in the future. 

All of Ours offerings are designed to make the tricky relationship stuff easier to talk about, whether that’s in a session with your therapist or using one of the communication tools.

The Real Work of Therapy

Ours removes many of the barriers that couples face seeking traditional couples counseling, but Benu said that doesn’t make Ours the magic potion to fix all of your relationship problems. “We are dealing with mental health, it’s not a fast fix,” Benu told us.

When you pay for a service, you’re usually expecting the promised results. Buy a taco, eat the taco, feel full. Couples counseling isn’t that simple– you can’t just buy it, do it, and feel full. Therapy isn’t a product, it’s a process.

“I think people are constantly wanting to optimize and they want results quickly,” Benu said. “A roadblock we see frequently is this disconnect from what people want. There’s this consumerist drive to dictate the process.”

When you bring something to a digital space, you’re often doing so to make it more accessible, fast, and easy. Virtual therapy makes counseling services easier to access, but it doesn’t make the process fast or easy.

“We work to help people unlearn this expectation,” Benu said. “We want to be intentional and organically help people.”

Ours vets every therapist who becomes part of the team, and it does the same thing with couples. The Ours approach, despite being through the screen, brings all the techniques, expertise, and tools that you can usually only find in traditional, in-person therapy. 

The hardest part of most journeys is the first step, and this is true for counseling. There’s no simpler first step than the one Ours offers.

“My advice to couples going into therapy would be to remember that the client isn’t you,” Benu said. “The client is your relationship.”