The Scoop: Sometimes, it’s hardest to ask for help when we need it most. Sisters Olivia Dreizen Howell and Jenny Dreizen created Fresh Starts Registry to help people going through a major life change – such as a divorce, job loss, or a move – get the community support they need. We spoke to them about how both those going through a transition and their support networks can use Fresh Starts to change lives for the better.

I’m not married, but I’ve lived with my partner for nearly three years. Over the course of our relationship, and especially since we’ve been living together, we’ve slowly accumulated the daily objects of a life together. Towels, sheets, pots and pans, blenders, most of which we like.

So when we do get married, I’m not so sure we will want a traditional registry. We don’t need another Instant Pot, but we might need some help paying for a honeymoon instead.

Traditionally, registries helped young couples who had been living with their parents until their weddings lay the groundwork for a full home life together. But wedding registries make a bit less sense now, when the average couple gets married at age 32 and a growing number of couples cohabitate prior to tying the knot. While marriage is still a huge step, it represents further growth in a relationship, not a sharp or sudden divergence from one’s life trajectory.

Divorce, on the other hand, is a sharp change, though it may not always be sudden. When couples divorce, both parties have to deal with the obvious emotional upheaval and change in the day-to-day of their lives. They also have to divide their material possessions, leaving them to shop for utensils for the first time in years.

After my divorce in 2019, I had an aha moment.” — Olivia Dreizen Howell, Cofounder of Fresh Starts Registry

That’s why sisters Olivia Dreizen Howell and Jenny Dreizen founded Fresh Starts Registry, a divorce registry. “After my divorce in 2019, I had an aha moment,” Olivia explained to our team. “We celebrate weddings and babies with a registry, but in the moments we really need to restock our life, like divorce, job loss, or any brave decision and major life change, we need the support, both in the form of support items for your home and the experts who become our hype team.”

Fresh Starts offers resources for those going through a major life change to get expert support and advice and connect with their community, who want to support them through this uncharted and often scary point in their lives.

“Ultimately, I wanted to figure out how to eliminate the overwhelm by restocking your life and finding safe, vetted experts to support you,” Olivia said.

A Practical Tool for Support

Most people aren’t great at asking for help, and many still are awkward about providing it. But when you’re going through a tough time in your life, most of your friends and family want to be there for you, even if they don’t do the best job at it. Do you want to talk about your ex? Do you never want to hear their name again? Do you want to be congratulated or consoled? People experience loss and change differently and it can be tricky to intuit what you’ll need, even for people who otherwise know you well.

But Fresh Starts offers a clear way to ask for what you need, certainly physically, but to an extent, emotionally. They offer scripts for what to say to family and friends when you send out the registry, because sometimes communicating effectively is just a matter of knowing where to begin.

“Divorce is a trying time emotionally, financially and logistically,” Jenny said. “Fresh Starts believes in encouraging people to ask for what they need when they are in their moment of tribulation. This is in and of itself an empowering act that we believe has a ripple effect throughout one’s life.”

two women, relaxed, lying back with mugs
Showing up in whatever way your loved one needs is an important part of supporting your community.

Fresh Starts makes both offering and receiving community support easier for all parties. A distant family member may feel uncomfortable having a detailed conversation about your divorce (and you may not want to talk about it either). But they can help out with your registry.

“We seek to empower both the receiver and the giver with permission to show up for people in the way they need, to help lighten the burden of divorce in whatever way they can, however their loved one needs,” Olivia said. 

“The items on a Fresh Starts Divorce Registry are physical manifestations of the support you can give someone through the transition to divorce. Having the support from friends and family in the form of the actual essentials you need to start fresh in your space can help empower someone on their journey post-divorce, knowing that they are loved, supported, and have the items they need to live.”

Expert Resources for the Unexpected

No one plans to get divorced when they get married, even if they’re aware it’s a possibility, and even if it ends up changing their life for the better. When you get divorced or go through a similarly major life change, you may feel some level of shock at the change in your life trajectory and not know quite where to begin.

Fortunately, Olivia, Jenny, and their team of experts have put together plenty of great information for those experiencing a significant life change to get the help and direction they need. 

A Fresh Story podcast thumbnail for Apple Podcasts
Jenny and Olivia work personally on many Fresh Starts resources, including their podcast, “A Fresh Story.”

“If you’re going through a Fresh Start such as divorce, I recommend signing up for one of Olivia’s Divorce Concierge Consults,” Jenny shared. “She offers a number of these monthly to help demystify the process and connect Freshies (those going through a Fresh Start) to the right Experts from our vetted Expert Guide.”

Fresh Starts also offers a comprehensive 18-module divorce guide for those interested in working through the changing elements of their lives on their own. “It can be intimidating to call a divorce attorney, we try to take the overwhelm out of the experience as much as we can!” Jenny said.

Jenny, Olivia, and their experts also contribute plenty of articles to the site which offer great resources for any type of life change.

And for those who are looking to support their loved ones going through major life changes, Fresh Starts offers simple scripts for when you don’t know what to say. These are wonderful resources that can make connecting and offering your love in tough positions so much easier.

Ask for What you Need With Fresh Starts

It’s easy to be a good friend or family member when times are good; it’s harder to be there when times are tough. But that’s when your community needs your help most. And when you’re going through a hard time, that’s when it’s most important to lean on the support systems you have.

“Divorce registries are just one way of empowering people going through a hard time to ask for what they need and encouraging their community to support them in the way they need,” Olivia said. “It is nice to bring someone a bottle of wine, and great if that’s what they want at that moment – but isn’t it much more powerful, impactful and lasting to give them an item they desire, need, or request?”

$500 budget example
Fresh Starts Registry offers essential bundle examples for every budget.

Still, you may find that what you need after a big life change is to be in community with people who can relate. You can find that through Fresh Starts where plenty of people working through their changes and growing pains can offer you their guidance and acceptance from a place of personal experience.

“I believe that the conversations and community we have built at Fresh Starts is one that welcomes, celebrates and protects honesty, vulnerability and connection,” Jenny said. “I see how Olivia and I both have become more vulnerable with our people and our broader community. We seek connection with our community and are constantly looking for ways to bolster, support and celebrate them.”

You may feel weird about asking for help during a difficult time. Your community may feel unsure how to express just how much they care about you, or to draw attention to the pain you’re going through. But Fresh Starts makes it easy to reach out from either side.

“We don’t believe it’s gauche to be clear and kind with what you need in life, and it’s definitely not gauche to love and support your community,” Jenny said.