Should People Date AI? Thao Ha Says ‘Yes, But…’

At June 10th’s Open to Debate event in New York City, dating industry pros asked the question on everybody’s lips: Could dating an AI be better than dating a human?

Thao Ha, Associate Professor of Psychology at Arizona State University, argued “yes”, while Justin Garcia, Executive Director & Senior Scientist at the Kinsey Institute and Chief Scientific Advisor to Match.com, argued “no.” 

In the overarching AI debate in the dating industry, the greatest fear is that AI will come to replace the uniquely human ability to love. Ha’s claim that dating an AI bot could, in some ways, be preferable to dating a human being is certainly controversial. 

After the debate, DatingNews spoke to Ha about her unconventional viewpoint, and the surprising benefits of connecting emotionally with AI.  

To “Date” AI is to Use it as a Romantic Tool 

Ha is the director of the @HEART lab (Healthy Experiences Across Relationships and Transitions), which studies a buzzy topic: The mental, emotional, and social impacts AI has on adolescent relationships. 

On the “pro” side of the debate, Ha argues that intuitive tech, like VR and AI, have the potential to ease loneliness and meet short-term emotional needs. For people who struggle to make satisfying in-person connections, AI and VR could be transformative tools. 

When dating someone in real life isn’t an option — which, for some people, it isn’t — developing an emotional attachment to an AI bot could help satisfy several crucial emotional needs: the need to explore one’s romantic and sexual feelings in a healthy way, or to express thoughts and feelings without judgement, for example. 

Ha doesn’t advocate for no-holds-barred access to AI. Instead, she argues that people, and the platforms that use AI, should promote a healthy balance between IRL and AI connections. 

 “It’s not my goal that everybody’s going to start dating AI,” she told us. On the contrary, Ha simply wants to acknowledge the potential AI has as a therapeutic tool, particularly for vulnerable groups, like adolescents and struggling couples. 

As someone who specifically studies AI’s impact on adolescent relationships, Ha warns against offering shortcuts to human connection to people at such an impressionable age. 

“Learning how to date with the current AI, when you don’t have any experiences yet and you have someone who’s constantly responsive, I actually think that might not be the greatest idea,” she told us. 

But an AI relationship coach is a particularly promising role for an AI bot. Instead of taking over the role of healthcare provider or friend, AI could be “a non-biased, evidence-based, science-based relationship coach” that acts as “a different kind of socialization agent,” Ha said. 

And in the fight against the loneliness epidemic, it’s only a matter of time before people turn to non-human forms of communication, Ha said. “It’s a really adaptive signal for us to survive as humans, actually,” she said. “The fact that AI now all of a sudden is an option actually makes total sense.” 

AI Shows Promise for Supporting Couples in Distress

Ha supports the use of AI in some social situations and for some people, but she acknowledges that it’s far from a relationship cure-all. 

She describes her stance on AI dating as more “nuanced” than some AI enthusiasts may expect. 

She feels that people at the debate resonated specifically with the idea of augmented intimacy — when tech like AI and VR are used to enhance the typically-human experience of intimacy and connection. 

People who have been through painful divorces, break-ups, and/or the loss of a spouse may benefit from chatting with an AI date before they get back into the swing of IRL dating. 

Then there are adults in relationships with emotional or physical barriers, such as people who act as caretakers for their spouses, or are in otherwise emotionally-stymied relationships. “[AI dating] could be a buffer,” Ha explained. “If you’re a caregiver, it actually might give you the support that your partner cannot give you, [which] is actually really helpful.” 

For others, a little AI flirtation can simply add some excitement back into a long-term relationship. “A lot of people are satisfied with their relationship but are missing that spark that they had in the beginning,” she said. 

When AI temporarily supplements a missing emotional need, it’s working “in very synergistic ways,” Ha said. 

As the AI boom continues, Ha cautions against diving into AI relationships without considering the potential long term effects — a difficult task, considering we don’t really know yet what those long term effects will be. 

“I think the big point that I was trying to make [at the debate] is like, yeah, we have all these anecdotes of people really enjoying [AI]… but we don’t really know the long term effects of what happens to people’s mental health and their real life relationships,” Ha said. “There’s no studies on that and I think I would love to see more work in that area.”