Key Takeaways
- People “ego-scroll” on dating apps because they’re searching for external validation of their desirability.
- Since ego-scrolling is rooted in insecurity, it can help when dating platforms offer mental health resources that focus on self-esteem.
- Apps that help users hone their dating and flirting skills with games and quizzes not only drive engagement, but user confidence.
Not everyone uses dating apps to find dates. Some people sign up for dating apps simply for the ego-boost that comes from the validation of strangers.
They have no intention of actually going out with any of their matches; they simply want to enjoy the hearts, likes, and flirty messages sent their way.
This has been coined “ego-scrolling,” and as Kate Dissanayake, CEO and founder of the dating app After explained, it’s a way for people to secure easy validation instead of deep, complex connections.
“You’re not even looking for a date, or often a real conversation, you’re just looking for proof that you’re still desirable,” she told USA Today. “It’s almost like window shopping for love without the intention to buy.”
Trouble arises for dating apps when you consider how short-lived ego-scrolling can be. It is, by definition, an impulsive act motivated by the need for a quick self-esteem boost.
Trauma and relationship therapist Jordan Pickell told USA Today that “Dating apps have become almost like an emotional pacifier … If you’re bored, anxious, or feeling invisible, getting a match, especially from someone you find really attractive, feels almost like a mini serotonin shot. And more often than not, that becomes the goal.”
Once ego-scrollers have sufficiently boosted their ego, they stop engaging with the app. Dating platforms can address “ego-scrollers” by offering features, tools, and resources that help these users work through their insecurities.
The Root of Ego-Scrolling Is Deep-Seated Insecurity
At best, ego-scrolling is a short-lived outlet for one’s emotional insecurities. At worst, it’s a form of avoidance, depression, and even disassociation, according to Licensed Clinical Social Worker Sari Cooper of Psychology Today. “Dating platforms have become easy places to treat real people transactionally, leading many single folks to feel hopeless,” she said.
Some daters may treat each other transactionally on apps, but the app itself is often guilty of this, too. It’s essential for dating apps to see users as more than numbers. To get people to really engage with the app the way it’s meant to be used, they have to address the human emotions (insecurity, for example) that people bring to the app.
They can do this by offering mental health resources to people who are freshly single, overcoming deep-seated insecurities, and/or have survived abusive relationships.
For example, Bumble’s blog, The Buzz, often offers mental health resources to Bumble users from all walks of life. Badoo recently published its Dating Confidence Report geared toward improving users’ self-esteem and avoiding burnout. And eHarmony provides a slew of advice for people going through relationship problems and breakups.
If the root of ego-scrolling is insecurity, then people need to feel supported mentally and emotionally to start building their confidence again.
Apps Can Make Creative Confidence-Boosting Features
Ego-scrolling isn’t all bad — it’s a human response to the natural craving for validation — but it can hurt the person on the other side of the screen.
It’s easy for ego-scrollers to forget that someone put themselves out there by sending them an ego-boosting message. “Remember that the other people on dating apps are real human beings with their own fears of rejection and feelings of loneliness,” Pickell adds.
Some apps have created features that help people be honest and up-front with matches about their intentions. Most apps, including Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and OkCupid, allow users to choose tags that correspond to their dating goals and intentions.
Other people, meanwhile, turn to ego-scrolling because they lack confidence in their dating and flirting skills.
Tinder and Hinge have a history of addressing common dating insecurities in creative ways. With The Game Game, Tinder recently gave its users the chance to test out their flirting skills and receive personalized tips as a result. And Hinge’s Prompt Feedback tool helps users make better first impressions by offering input on their prompt responses.
Both tools merely offer suggestions that help the user hone their flirting skills and become more confident daters — all of which drives engagement, it’s worth noting.
Ego-scrolling can be harmless for the user, but for the dating app, it can negatively alter engagement. On a positive note, it’s an ideal opportunity for apps to innovate, and to publicly commit to the user’s emotional well-being.
If the app is willing to invest in creative dating quizzes, skill-building games, and mental health resources, then it can turn ego-scrolling from a negative into a positive.
