The recent film adaption of Wuthering Heights taught us many things: Everyone has opinions on casting, the versatility of Charlie XCX, and Heathcliff probably would’ve loved ghosting people on Tinder (the mystery! The drama! The yearning!).
But what stood out to me the most was just how many people left the theater with tears in their eyes, outwardly weepy over one of literature’s most notoriously toxic romances. Did we watch the same movie? Did we read the same book?! Were we supposed to be rooting for Cathy, a bully, and Heathcliff, a brute, this whole time?
Wuthering Heights was written well over 150 years ago, yet audiences are still confusing obsession with love, toxicity for romance, and pain with pleasure.
DatingNews spoke to Three Day Rule CEO Adam Cohen-Aslatei about the role the dating industry, particularly matchmakers, plays in promoting healthy relationship dynamics. After all, the last thing matchmakers want are clients ending up like Cathy and Heathcliff.
Q: Do you find that some singles reject stable or emotionally secure pairings because the connection feels ‘too calm’ compared to what they expect romance to feel like? How common is that dynamic among clients today?
Many singles have been conditioned by years of app dating and emotionally unavailable partners to associate intensity or uncertainty with chemistry, so a stable connection can initially feel “too calm.” Part of matchmaking is helping clients recognize that healthy relationships often start with steadiness, not drama.
Q: Why do you think people often interpret intensity, unpredictability, or obsession as love? From a matchmaking perspective, how does that mindset impact the matching process, especially if clients pass on partners who may actually be a strong long-term fit?
People often confuse intensity with love because movies, social media, and past relationship patterns teach them that emotional highs and lows equal passion. In reality, that intensity is often just uncertainty or anxiety, not compatibility.
From a matchmaking perspective, that mindset can cause clients to overlook partners who are actually great long-term fits, which is why part of the process is helping them recalibrate what healthy chemistry and connection really look like.
Q: How does Three Day Rule coach clients to recognize healthy attractions versus dramatic or unstable dynamics? Are there specific signals or patterns you help clients learn to identify?
Three Day Rule helps clients recognize that healthy attraction often feels comfortable, consistent, and easy rather than intense or chaotic. Matchmakers guide clients to look for signals like emotional availability, reliability, shared values, and how they feel after spending time together — not just the initial spark.
Through feedback and coaching after each date, clients learn to distinguish between real compatibility and the highs and lows that often come from unstable dynamics.
Q: Stories like Wuthering Heights have romanticized emotionally turbulent relationships for generations. Where do you think the responsibility lies today in breaking those narratives? Should it fall more on matchmakers, dating platforms, media portrayals of romance, or on daters themselves?
Breaking those narratives requires a combination of all of the above. Media plays a huge role in shaping what people believe romance should look like, while dating platforms and matchmakers can help reframe what healthy relationships actually feel like.
Ultimately, though, daters themselves have to be willing to challenge the idea that love should feel dramatic and instead recognize that the strongest relationships are built on consistency, trust, and emotional security.
