Key Takeaways

Energetic alignment, healing, secure attachment energy, good vibes. If any of these trendy terms sound familiar, it’s because they are no longer just used in woo-woo or therapy circles, but in an area we once never thought possible: dating.

In the past, especially in the world of online dating, it used to be all about how many matches one could get, the enticement of endless options, and of course, the thrill of the swipe. Hell, I vividly remember sitting on my college dorm room couch — yes, circa 2014 — and downloading Tinder for the first time. The whole thing felt exhilarating! 

But now, as times and the dating standards of many folks have changed (for the better, I might add) dating isn’t solely about how many options a user has, how hot they look on their profile or what dates they can actually get on.

No, instead, the real status symbol in the dating world isn’t how many matches you have, but whether you can communicate your needs without ghosting. It’s called emotional availability. Imagine that.

But if emotional availability is the goal for daters, why are dating apps still optimized for the opposite? Ahem, ahem, I’m looking at you.

The Rise of Emotional Availability as a Status Symbol

For a long time, the rise and reign of being a F-boy or girl was considered cool. Apps were even built for that kind of energy in dating. That, or dating multiple people, with the hopes of finding the one.

But today, in 2026, being emotionally available is seen as both cool… and maybe a little bit performative, too. 

“It is definitely somewhat aspirational branding, because it should be the norm,” Emma Hathorn, the dating expert at Seeking.com tells Dating News, “Daters should not settle for less than absolute emotional availability.”

But, she adds, until recently, the ‘situationship’ and therefore a lack of emotional availability, has been seen as the norm. So it’s time to flip the script on that, right?

Enter all of these folks who are tired of situationships, lack of connection — and the list goes on! I know, even as a bisexual woman who actively dates, I, too, am very tired of folks who ghost, people who can’t seem to communicate and people who are just not emotionally in tune. Like me, many others would take emotional vulnerability any day.

According to a Pew Research study, 47% of U.S. adults say dating is harder today than 10 years ago. The cause? Unsurprisingly, emotional unavailability is cited as a key frustration.

Therapy-Speak Enters the Chat

OK. You may be thinking: This therapy-speak is a bit much. But hey, there is a real reason that attachment styles, boundaries, love languages and other related topics are being talked about by daters more now than ever before. 

According to Google Trends, searches for “attachment styles” have more than doubled since 2020. And, of course, TikTok’s hashtag #attachmentstyles has billions of views. It’s becoming so transparent that even dating apps are getting in on the rise of therapy-speak.

“There is nothing wrong with using therapy terminology,” Hathorn says, “However, the terms are frequently overused or misused, thus getting severely watered down.”

I, for one, think it’s a good thing. What I don’t think is good, is how apps are using therapy-speak to attract more users. It would be one thing if apps were adopting therapy language and creating environments that support actual emotional growth. 

But for the most part, they’re not. Soooo… what gives?

Are Dating Apps Responsible?

“Dating platforms are to blame for the swipe-based culture,” Hathorn explains, “Dating has been commodified.” 

I couldn’t agree more. The push for mass engagement and the dopamine hit of likes is just a form of endlessly doomscrolling. And this has created what we know as the situationship. Think about it. The dating app industry is after a few things: keep them swiping, give them endless options, and make them engage consistently. 

The average dating app user spends over 90 minutes per day across apps. Even Tinder reports billions of swipes per day, reinforcing that whole idea of quantity over quality. So it makes sense why folks who are either sick of apps, really want to find their partner, or those who abandon using apps are looking for emotional availability above all else.

But brands are really out here seeing the trend of therapy-speak and talking about attachment styles on their socials. So shouldn’t they practice what they preach? The answer, my friend, is yes. And are your teams responsible for the seeming lack of emotional availability of users overall? I think yes, too.

In my and Hathorn’s opinion, dating platforms are really to blame here. The type of messaging and user interface is subtly designed to encourage hook-up culture, situationships, and a lack of emotional awareness.

Yeah, your users might engage in the behavior, but it’s your platforms that are designing it that way.

What Would Designing for Emotional Availability Look Like?

Do you want to make emotional availability a priority, too? Stop encouraging your users to blast through 500 profiles, and rather, give them the space and time to go through each individually.

That can look like a slower matching mechanism, profile depth vs. more sexy photos, and even prompts around communication style.

Instead of your users writing, “I’m emotionally available” as a dating bio line, maybe they could just actually show up that way.

“There are many people who do perform emotional availability and who are, in fact, quite emotionally unavailable,” Hathorn adds, “But if someone is truly emotionally available, they will feel secure without saying it.” 

Can’t the same idea apply to apps, too?

Stop Selling the Problem You Created

If you want to be the hottest app on the market, try being emotionally available, for real.

No, dating apps can’t both profit from emotional unavailability and brand themselves as the solution to it. The real trick, I think, is to know that, because emotional availability is the new status symbol, platforms need to build for it and not just market it.

So get ready.