Opinion: Appstinence, The Great Deleting, and What It All Means for Dating Apps

Whenever I hear the word abstinence, I think of that one scene in “Mean Girls” when the gym coach says, “If you have sex, you’ll get pregnant and die.” That’s not quite the same thing as appstinence, though.

Appstinence, a silly name to describe a not-so-new (and growing) movement of singles deleting or detoxing from dating apps, is rising now more than ever. According to one recent study, a whopping 65% of Gen Z women are actually deleting dating apps within just a month of downloading them. 

So, what’s with the Great Deleting? And what does it mean for dating apps? Well, it’s two things, in my mind: a symptom of user burnout (obv) and a cultural reset for the dating industry as a whole (maybe less obv).

“Young people are disenchanted with the state of online dating,” Emma Hathorn, the dating & relationship expert at Seeking.com tells Dating News, “With endless swiping, algorithm fatigue, and increased safety concerns, it’s no surprise that singles have started deleting traditional dating apps.”

Either way, appstinence is, in fact, a wake-up call for dating app leaders: Gain back the trust of your beloved daters or else.

Why Singles Are Logging Off

It’s no secret that singles are logging off. It’s in the stats. But why? Well, they’re tired of being fed quantity over quality, the endless swiping that can feel more than superficial, and, of course, fatigue over staring at a screen all day.

Not to mention safety fatigue, the idea that unclear safety protocols are apps that your team may run are actually not instilling any user confidence in the product, which is not a good look for anyone. If users don’t feel safe, they can’t exactly go on love-worthy dates.

“Safety fatigue is definitely a contributing factor…” Hathorn explains, “This is an industry-level concern that’s causing singles to feel unsafe and second-guess who they’re talking to on the other side of the screen.”

Another reason? Pressure. As one Reddit user put it, “I just deleted all my apps and felt an instant weight off my chest. The pressure of having to respond to some girl before she loses interest is gone. The sadness of not getting matches is gone. The loneliness is still there but at least I don’t have an app reminding me how utterly alone I am.”

For him, he decided apps weren’t meeting his needs: to be more social, to join a club, to meet people that align with his actual interests. 

Enter the “app detox.” A lot of folks are doing it. It’s not a rejection of online dating itself, but of how it’s being done. Listen, I’ve been on dating apps even in recent years — I’m in a non-monogamous marriage — and even I’ve taken app detoxes from time to time. Why? Because I’ve found that there haven’t always been apps that align with who I am or what kinds of relationships I am looking for. 

“It’s less about taking a break from online dating and more about finding a platform that reflects their standards,” Hathorn says.

For others, they’re likely just tired of the same old, same old. 

“Dating apps do not allow for individuality to shine, because you are only a face on a profile card, either swiped one way or the other,” she adds.

The truth of the matter is, though, that singles (and folks in the non-monogamy space) still want to connect. They always have. It’s human. But in 2025, they don’t just want the ease that online dating once brought, but they want it with higher standards and a level of intentionality.

The only way that can happen, though, is straight from the top. Soooo… what are you waiting for?

Gen Z’s Role: The Radical Honesty Generation

Who is your audience? Chances are, a majority of them are Gen Z. The data speaks for itself: Millennials are the most frequent users of dating apps, making up 61% of users. Gen Z was an early adopter, now, they are going appstinent. Only 26% of Gen Zers are currently swiping away. 

“Gen Z singles, now more than ever, are prioritizing honesty and intentionality when it comes to their dating standards…” Hathorn explains, “As Dana Rosewall says, ‘There’s something radical about saying what you really want.’”

Gen Z, unlike other generations, has a higher intolerance for so many things. They’re over empty matching, not feeling connected or like they’re a part of a rigged system. And the biggest yet? They would rather be alone than take part in dating that just doesn’t feel right.

What Appstinence Means for Product Teams

All of this sounds pretty bad for apps, right? Well, in my opinion, appstinence is bad for product teams. But only if you do nothing to change what folks are asking for.

“In order to respond to this ‘great deleting,’ they need to pare back their platforms and look at what daters really want,” Hathorn says. 

The movement of the “great deleting” isn’t a death sentence to all apps, but it is a redesign moment. For apps who refuse to grow as dating intentions shift, though, it can be the nail in the coffin. Connection is key, and the apps that curate their users’ experience with this in mind are going to become the industry leaders. 

Focusing on safety, on higher security, and on a better standard of online dating overall has to become the norm. 

Even Seeking.com is innovating to meet the higher standards of its users — implementing tech such as BorderAge which allows people to confirm their age with a wave of their hand using biometric info analysed by AI — and even they are steering clear of any kind of gamification or swipe-based systems.

Digital Dating Meets IRL Connection

Remember that Reddit user I mentioned? Well, he deleted all his apps and started prioritizing IRL connection, instead. But even with that, apps can get on the train of helping those folks, too. By making dating more social again. Think IRL social events sponsored by Insert Your App Name Here.

After all the world has gone through in the past five years, folks want real connection with real humans. In real life. What would it look like to move toward curated, real-world matchmaking and offline-first experiences?

You can still have a digital presence. But with less screen time and more in-person events, I am a high better that folks will stick around. Plus, helping folks get off the app and on IRL dates (which has always been the goal, right?) will surely help, too.

“Dating apps can overcome this by focusing on getting people to actually meet,” more emphasis on profile descriptions and overall, a more niche market.”

The Future Dating App: What Comes After the Swipe

What does connection in the post-swipe dating app era look like? Think about important messages like users who can feel and be authentic to themselves, accountability from your teams to all users, safety in verified identity and making the experience a much more emotionally in-tune one.

If the dating industry wants to truly address appstinence and the “great deleting,” it would start with taking accountability for the things that can be changed and then making that change. It seems pretty simple to me.

“The Great Delelting is a window of opportunity for apps that speak up and bring change. Connection is key and the apps that curate their users’ experience with this in mind will lead the next era of online dating,” Hathorn says.

Remember, appstinence is not anti-dating. It’s an opportunity for you and your teams to listen, respond and make change. If you want your users to stick around, that is.