Key Takeaways

Remember when artificial intelligence used to feel like a grand idea of the future? Well, I hate to break it to you, but the future is here and it’s even weighing in on how folks date. It’s not too far of a reach to say that AI is now the dating world’s first unseen matchmaker — but is this unseen force of technology really for the best? 

According to Hily’s 2025 T.R.U.T.H. report, 82% of Gen Z and 87% of millennial American daters already use AI in their dating process — and amazingly, up to 95%  of them plan to continue doing so.

Sure, many online daters of the younger crowd may admit to using AI to swipe and even have full-on flirty conversations with their matches. But others may adopt the “AI for me, but not for thee” dynamic — the idea that many people may accept their own AI use in dating, but in the same vein, judge others and maybe even pass on dates with those who choose to use it in their endeavor to meet “the one.”

“Used lightly, AI can make dating more playful…,” Lorene Cowan, the founder of Yoke, a dating app designed for entrepreneurs, tells us. “But if overused, it risks feeling like a performance, where authenticity gets lost under polished, machine-generated language.”

It turns out, everyone feels differently about AI use, especially in something as personal as dating. So then, the question becomes a big one: Should the dating industry let AI etiquette in dating evolve naturally — and perhaps chaotically — or should you and your team be guiding its development in a more helpful way?

The AI Double Standard in Dating

Remember that judgment I mentioned? Well, according to Hily’s findings, the stigma against AI use in dating is very real. Fifty-four percent of young females and 63% of male daters report being less attracted to a match who they suspect used AI to craft their profile.

What’s more, not only is AI use judged, but if people have taken part in it, it can also affect their confidence levels going into their date. Hily found that more than half of dating app users say they feel less confident going in-person if they’ve used AI in conversations beforehand. As an active dater, this totally makes sense to me.

“Just read a complaint thread where a woman indicated a long initial text period where she absolutely became smitten with her new relationship’s riveting conversations and his intelligence,” one Reddit user explained, “Only to find him completely lacking in any of those areas when they finally met in real life. She got mentally chat-bot catfished…and he ended up being a potato in the conversation department!”

If daters feel they can’t have an authentic, good conversation using their own personality before meeting up, who’s to say they’d feel confident IRL?

What Do People Use AI For — and Why?

I would argue that, sure the use of AI may be convenient and helpful, but I don’t think it’s truly helpful as is. Right now, it only seems to breed anxiety, judgment and fear, rather than meaningful connection and grounded conversations. 

But what does it look like as is? Well, nearly half of Gen Z and almost two-thirds of millennials say AI helps them “bring their A-game.” Again, I’d say that’s not really the case based on the stats. But it does make a good selling point, right?

Some demographics, like women and Gen Z, lean on AI to craft the perfect, readable bio. Men and millennials, on the other hand, use it for conversation prompts while chatting it up with their new matches. 

Meanwhile, I should mention that 69%t of Gen Z and 74%t of millennials surveyed say they worry that AI use “makes connections less authentic.”

It doesn’t add up, right?

AI Etiquette For All Online Daters

Yet, AI is likely here to say. Soooo… it’s time to build some etiquette, across the dating industry, that helps daters feel less judged or scared, and more empowered by this technology.

“Just as ghosting has forced us to have conversations about respect and closure, AI will force us to define what’s acceptable versus deceptive,” Cowan explains.

Just like dating behaviors with trendy names like ghosting or breadcrumbing initially challenged norms, but eventually spawned etiquette, so will AI.

It could be argued, and I will stand on business to quote Mr. Bieber, that AI is the latest, and perhaps greatest, disruptor of all in the dating game. So do apps simply follow user behavior or help set boundaries that create a true etiquette for it?

According to Cowan, apps should and will play a role in setting true etiquette. But rather than act as enforcers, you and your team will likely act as gentle guides. 

“If apps ignore AI, suspicion grows,” Cowan explains, “But if they acknowledge it openly, they can set healthy boundaries while leaving space for personal choice.”

If you’re at a loss for ideas, though, imagine how daters would feel if they not only had access to AI, but they were given true guidance on how to use it so they feel less judged, less insecure, and more equipped to approach their matches with confidence.

In my mind, that means providing some transparency around AI usage — like tagging which messages were sent using AI assistance.

“Transparency is key,” Cowan says, “Apps could allow users to ‘flag’ when a message draft was AI-assisted. That shifts the narrative from hiding to sharing, and could even spark interesting conversations.”

Plus, along with more transparency, dating apps should consider providing even a small level of in-app education not only on how to use AI responsibly, but also how to still be a human in the process. 

After all, no one wants to date a robot (unless, of course, you’re into that sort of thing.)

AI Etiquette as Competitive Advantage

Like I said, AI etiquette will definitely become the next big differentiator. 

“Just as apps now compete on inclusivity or safety features, the ones that build a culture of authentic, transparent AI use will stand out,” Cowan agrees.

“Dating apps are a tool. AI is the player,” Brad, one Redditor writes. “Dating apps just changed WHERE you looked for people. You still had to: Take your own pictures. Write your own bio. Have the actual conversations. It was still YOU. Your charm, your wit, your awkwardness. The final product was 100% human.”

But AI, on the other hand, can feel like it changes WHO is doing the dating. So if dating teams can embrace their original idea, and make AI more successful at helping daters be human versus changing who they are perceived to be, then that can be a win.