Key Takeaways
- Older men tend to report higher satisfaction in age-gap relationships than older women, although both are more sexually satisfied with younger partners.
- Women are more particular about age gaps as they age, in part because they no longer depend on men to keep them financially secure.
- Older men may feel more satisfied in age-gap relationships in part because society often treats younger women as a status symbol for older men.
Age-gap relationships are all around us, and yet, some are still shrouded in controversy — and mystery, according to researchers from London Metropolitan University.
Samantha Banbury and her fellow psychologists recently spoke to 126 volunteers in age-gap relationships of more than seven years to shed light on why and how generations collide, and to determine whether age gaps affect happiness levels.
The results were surprising, to say the least: Older men, including those in homosexual relationships, are substantially more satisfied than older women in age-gap relationships. Just as surprising is how people’s definition of relationship satisfaction changes over time, making the results of the study subject to change, as well.
As singles embrace more casual definitions of love — non-monogamy is more popular than ever, and daters are pushing off marriage — they’re more willing to look for authentic connections in unexpected places, including within older or younger generations.
Older Men Are Happier in Age-Gap Relationships
Straight men in relationships with women seven or more years their junior had substantially higher satisfaction levels than men in relationships with women seven or more years older than them.
Does this really come as a surprise? The dating industry has long responded to older men and their desire for young, energetic, fun-loving women. Consider the proliferation of sugar dating sites geared toward wealthy older men and ambitious younger women.
Perhaps more surprising is how older gay men in age-gap relationships also report higher satisfaction levels.
But before you start searching for a younger partner, consider the real revelation to come from the study: While older men in age-gap relationships reported higher satisfaction, older women did not — indicating that the satisfaction increase may be specific to men who are the older partner.
Men in relationships with younger women had higher satisfaction levels than men in relationships with older women, the study found.
Does this mean that older men get to have all the fun? Not necessarily.
When the volunteers were asked about their sexual satisfaction, both men and women reported being significantly more satisfied with younger partners than older partners, suggesting that sexual satisfaction is closely tied to overall satisfaction in age-gap relationships.
It’s no coincidence that many of Hollywood’s most recent depictions of age-gap relationships delve into the sexual satisfaction of older women with younger men; this seems to be a unique perspective that’s rife for exploration. Just ask Nicole Kidman, who was in two of them: 2024’s “Babygirl” and “A Family Affair.”
The entirety of 2022’s “Good Luck To You, Leo Grande” is about the pursuit of sexual satisfaction by then-62-year-old Emma Thompson’s character with the much younger Leo Grande (Daryl McCormack).
Clearly, age-gap relationships are on daters’ minds — and, specifically, women’ s minds.
Women No Longer Marry Older Men for Financial Stability
Age-gap relationships are often shrouded in taboo, but it wasn’t always this way. There was a time when women married older men out of necessity, usually for financial security.
And to some extent, the motivation for financial security in age-gap relationships still exists. “The perception of economic gain predominated among younger women dating older men and younger men dating older men,” Banbury explained in the study.
But as CEO of matchmaking service LEVEL Connections, April Beyer, told DatingNews, marriages based on financial security alone are increasingly rare:
“Women today are more successful than ever, [so] dating or marrying for financial security is becoming a thing of the past,” she said. “[Women] feel empowered, independent and want to meet men who are in a similar growth and building phase.”
Marriages based on financial security alone are increasingly rare, said April Beyer, CEO of LEVEL Connections.
And while older men tend to be open to dating much younger women, middle-aged women are more particular. “Once women reach the age of 35, they’re far less willing to date older men,” Beyer said. “Our data at LEVEL shows that 90% of women prefer to meet and date someone within ten years above their age or five years below.”
As any matchmaker would tell you, the more particular one is about age, the fewer options they have. “This narrows the field for everyone and has dramatically changed the dating landscape,” Beyer explained.
Older men play an especially large role when it comes to narrowing the field: “As a matchmaker, I see that most men want women significantly younger, more than seven to ten years. But this makes their search extremely limited,” Beyer said.
Age-Gap Relationships Don’t Always Benefit Older Women
Beyer said men don’t only seek out much younger women for aesthetic reasons. “Being with someone at an earlier life stage can bring a sense of vitality and ease concerns about their own aging,” Beyer explained. Walking arm-in-arm with a younger woman can, she said, “feels like a sense of accomplishment.”
It’s no wonder older men are more satisfied with younger women. Society respects older men who “achieve” younger women, but it often scrutinizes older women who have the same relationship with younger men.
With women often forced to take on the role of caretaker throughout their lives, by the time they get into their 50s or 60s, they tend to seek out fewer responsibilities, not more. This may explain why women are more likely to be unsatisfied in age-gap relationships as they get older.
Women are more likely to be unsatisfied in age-gap relationships as they get older.
“[Women are] looking ahead at very different life stages — different energy levels, health realities, and lifestyle priorities,” Beyer explained.
For all the taboo surrounding some age-gap relationships, we’re still drawn to them. Hollywood is equal parts wary and fascinated by age-gap romances, and it’s no surprise that the depictions from the last few years vacillate between casual rom-coms and nail-biting thrillers.
Many people — including the researchers of this study — still have more questions than answers about the psychological nitty-gritty behind age-gap relationships.
The more we learn, the better the industry can serve these daters, in effect ensuring relationship satisfaction for everyone, regardless of gender or age.
