New Report: Daters Shift Emotional Load Across Multiple Partners

Dating.com’s survey of 2,000 millennials found that this age group generally feels emotionally drained. They’re willing to “[outsource] emotional needs outside their primary relationships,” according to the site. 

Emotional needs that would typically fall to a romantic partner to carry now fall to several other people as well, from friends and therapists to sex partners and online lovers. But don’t be fooled: This isn’t necessarily an emotional defect. 

It’s important to remember that millennials are not, contrary to popular belief, avoiding intimacy, but rather being more selective about who they trust and who they get intimate with. 

This means that a modern millennial relationship is not always between just two people. It’s increasingly likely for the multiple components of a standard relationship — romance, companionship, and intimacy, for example — to fall to several different people: a romantic partner, a platonic friend, an “online soulmate,” and so on. 

By reevaluating their emotional bandwidth, millennials are practicing radical honesty, preventing both themselves and their partners from becoming emotionally overwhelmed — and giving the dating industry a prime opportunity to set up new and diverse kinds of connections.

Millennials Compartmentalize to Avoid Burnout

The digital wall of a dating app has come to represent the stereotypical millennial relationship: compartmentalized, emotionally selective, and physically distant. 

With this in mind, it makes sense why 65% of millennial respondents told Dating.com that it’s easier for them to open up emotionally to an “online companion” than to a steady partner. 

And more than half (55%) are open to long-distance relationships that never go offline, with some millennials hesitating to dive heart first into IRL romance. 

Having grown up in a rapidly evolving digital age, millennials are uniquely suited to deal with change. But their ability to quickly adapt to the world around them doesn’t mean they can withstand the emotional rollercoaster of romance. 

In fact, Dating.com suggests that the world American millennials grew up in — which included a controversial war, a financial crisis, the rise of social media, and unstable job markets — has brought millennials to “emotional capacity”: 

“Their emotional bandwidth has been stretched for so long that exhaustion isn’t an episode — it’s a baseline.” 

This exhaustion makes an IRL relationship’s emotional demands feel overwhelming to 32% of survey respondents. And 37% said they would date online if it meant avoiding dealing with another person’s habits, routines, or logistics.

It’s no wonder millennials transformed the dating industry by embracing online dating. The digital wall separating two matches allows them to date from a distance — physically and emotionally. 

And unlike Gen Z, millennials aren’t quite as quick to embrace the in-person connections of yesteryear.

They may have experienced all the highs and lows that come with online dating, but they’d rather deal with the devil they know than the devil they don’t — especially if “the devil they don’t” requires a level of emotional intimacy they aren’t ready for. 

Developers and dating professionals alike have an opportunity to meet millennials wherever they are on their dating journeys. With millennials more open to experimentation, they need a judgment-free environment to explore their needs, whether it’s through a dating app or inside a therapist’s office. 

Parallel Dating Allows Millennials to Manage Emotions

Some millennials have embraced nontraditional relationship dynamics in an effort to redistribute the emotional weight of a relationship — not only for them, but for their partner. 

Nearly half of the survey’s respondents (48%) said they’d be willing to try a parallel relationship, where one has two partners who separately fulfill emotional and physical needs, and vice-versa.  

“This isn’t about avoiding relationships,” Dating.com clarified. “It’s about choosing the format that feels the most sustainable.” 

With some millennials unwilling to carry the full emotional weight of a relationship, it makes sense why they gravitate away from emotionally demanding connections. 

Not all millennials avoid intimacy, but those who do are more likely than other generations to seek help from therapists or dating coaches. They’re open to allowing a professional to carry some of the emotional weight of a relationship while they work on improving their emotional bandwidth. 

Expanding Connections via Sex, Friendship, and Wellness

With millennials distributing emotional needs across several types of relationships, the dating industry has a rare opportunity to meet all of these needs, romantic or otherwise. 

We’ve mentioned in the past how modern daters crave authentic friendships that are just as emotionally fulfilling as romantic relationships. This rings especially true for millennials and Gen Z, who crave relationships based on authentic connections. 

After all, millennials are in need of platonic friendships: 75% of respondents told Dating.com that they’ve lost close friendships in recent years, not because of conflict, but because financial, political, and social stressors have put unprecedented pressure on all relationships, including friendships. 

Millennial singles are likely to respond positively to friendship and dating apps that directly attempt to depressurize connections. Take Bumble BFF, PlotTwise, and Clyx, for example. 

Millennials are also looking for connections who share their desire to compartmentalize their emotions, as well as their respect for self-improvement via therapy. “Fifty-one percent prefer to date or be friends with people who are in therapy, and 12% actively filter for it,” according to Dating.com. 

They’re seeking emotional support from various other sources — friends with benefits, online lovers, and the like — and they want these connections to share their views. Case in point: 40% of respondents say it’s OK to have a platonic “online soulmate” while in an IRL relationship.

“The future of relationships isn’t about placing all your emotional needs on one perfect person,” Dating.com concluded. “It’s a balanced ecosystem of people, spaces, and formats — including virtual intimacy — that expand your emotional world and help you gain more of the feelings that make life fuller.”

If Dating.com’s survey is any indication, millennials expect dating platforms to offer more than a few high-quality matches. Going forward, daters are more likely to respond to platforms that offer diverse connections, from friendships to sex partners and even to emotional support experts.