It’s easy to think that love is on the decline. From baby boomers’ rise in gray divorces to Gen Z’s meandering situationships, it can seem like no one is happy in relationships these days.1 Single people are struggling to find partners, and partnered people are becoming single.
Stay too long on TikTok, and you’re bound to see videos about red flags, the ick, and toxicity in relationships. Toxic relationships are, apparently, everywhere. The internet may lead you to believe that healthy relationships are a rarity, or even a myth.
But the facts paint a different picture.
Contrary to popular belief, many relationships are genuinely happy and healthy. And the benefits of being in a healthy relationship are not just romantic — healthy relationships improve your physical health, financial stability, and overall mental health. Still skeptical? I’ll go over the facts and stats that prove it!
1. About 3 in 4 American Couples Are Happy
Has anyone ever told you that it’s normal to fight all the time or not to like your partner all that much? Well, American couples disagree. eharmony’s 2022 “Happiness Index” report found that 75% of American couples surveyed were happy in their relationships.2
The report also found that millennials (aged 25 to 34 at the time of the report) were happiest in their relationships. Perhaps this group had the perfect life circumstances for healthy relationships: They were old enough to be settling into their career and adulthood, but young enough to still be excited about their relationships.
Additionally, being willing to change and grow helps couples thrive. Many of the happiest surveyed couples had been to couples therapy. You don’t need to be perfect to find love, but you do need to be willing to put work into your relationship.
2. About 69% of Americans Are in a Relationship or Married
If it feels like no one is single, that’s because not many people are (Sorry!). Sixty-nine percent of Americans surveyed by Pew Research Center claimed to be in a committed relationship; 51% said they were married, 11% said they were living with a partner, and 8% of respondents said they were otherwise in a committed romantic relationship.3
I’ve certainly seen this trend frustrate my single friends in my own life. My partner and I are in that 11% of cohabitants. We want to set up our single friends, but we simply don’t know enough single people who we think are good enough for them!
Most people want to find love and build a romantic partnership in their lives. While many people choose to be single and live happy, vibrant lives, there’s something to be said for coming home to someone you love after a long day. Fortunately, while singles are in the minority right now, many singles want that, too.
3. Survey Found 90% Feel Equal to Their Partner
While I might (gently) chide social media’s moral panic over toxic dates, unequal relationships are no joking matter.
Often rooted in unfair gendered or economic power dynamics, unequal relationships can lead to one partner’s disempowerment, and in extreme cases, abuse.
Fortunately, most couples say their relationships feel pretty equal. One survey by InnerBody found that 89.2% of respondents felt equal to their partner.4 While more men than women in the survey said they felt their relationships were equal, that number is still pretty high overall.
On the other hand, if you don’t feel equal to your partner, that’s a pretty big red flag. Take it seriously, and start thinking about your exit plan.
4. Over Half (58%) of Long-Distance Relationships Last
Long-distance relationships work! Research suggests that about 58% of long-distance relationships last.5
My partner and I actually started our relationship long-distance; we met through my college roommate, who was also his childhood best friend. That year and a half was tough at times, but doing long distance meant that we had to get serious about good communication fast.
Give long distance a chance. It can be tough, but it’s so worth it if you love each other.
Now that we’ve lived together for a few years, I’m so glad we had that time to make our relationship stronger. But I hope we never have to do it again!
5. Average Relationship Length of Young Adults Is 2 Years
In early adulthood, not every relationship goes the distance. One psychology study by the Pedagogical University of Krakow found that the average relationship length for adults aged 18-25 was around two years.6
The study was open to individuals who had been in a heterosexual relationship for one month or longer, which does make me wonder if that data was a bit skewed by short relationships. The first three months of a relationship are extremely vulnerable, so it’s unclear from this study if relationships past this point were also likely to end after a few years.7
Still, young adulthood is a turbulent time. Young adults are learning what they want in relationships at the same time they sort out what they want in their career and lifestyle. That’s a lot of pressure to add to relationships.
6. At 71%, Gen Zers Are Most Likely to Say Age Gaps Matter
Everyone knows that Leonardo DiCaprio only dates women under 25 (though his current girlfriend, Vittoria Ceretti, recently turned 26, so maybe Leo is growing up). Age-gap relationships used to be a fact of life in Hollywood, and to an extent, in seemingly average relationships.8
But now, many daters are wising up to the problems that can come with big age gaps in relationships, especially skewed power dynamics. This problem can be especially significant when partners are in different stages of life.
Which is why it makes sense that a study found that 71% of Gen Z respondents — more than survey respondents of any other generation — believe age gaps matter.9
While the difference between dating someone your own age or 10 years older may feel small when you’re 55, when you’re 23, that’s a huge gap. When you’re younger, your finances, career, lifestyle, and goals can change dramatically in a few years.
7. Single Households Earn 1/3 of What Married Households Earn
You probably know about the tax breaks married couples receive, and you may have thought about the benefits of being in a dual-income household (as a DINK, I can confirm: It’s great.). But you may not realize that even before those benefits, married couples make more per person than single people do.
Researchers used U.S. census data to find that single people make an average of $56,065 per year, compared to married couples’ incomes of $146,000. Single households make 38% of what married households make.10
Money can’t buy happiness, and it won’t save an unhealthy marriage. However, given that financial disagreements are a major predictor of divorce, knowing that tying the knot can help a bit with overall earnings should ease some of that financial stress.11
8. People With Positive Relationships Are 1.5 Times as Likely to Live Long
I don’t always want to work out, but I know it makes me healthier. Maybe it’s time to start treating socializing with my loved ones the same way. One study found that having positive social relationships was predictive of living a longer life, with a 50% increased chance of delayed mortality.12
While romantic relationships are one type of potential positive relationship, they’re not the only type. Positive friendships and familial ties can be just as effective at keeping you healthy. So take a moment to give whoever matters most to you a call.
9. Gen Zers Are Least Likely to Call Relationships Healthy
We know that young-adult relationships tend not to last very long, so it’s not shocking that Gen Z is less likely than any other generation to consider their relationships healthy, with an average score of 7.97/10.4
| Generation | Relationship Score |
|---|---|
| Baby Boomers | 8.40/10 |
| Gen X | 8.04/10 |
| Millennials | 8.28/10 |
| Gen Z | 7.97/10 |
While there are many possible reasons for this divide, from lower maturity to being in the wrong relationship, I’m inclined to think that much of the difference in relationship ranking has to do with generational ideas about healthy relationships than it does with the actual substance of these relationships.
For instance, I would not consider a relationship in which my partner and I could not discuss hard topics — sex, politics, religion, family planning — a healthy relationship. Many older adults I have spoken to seem to consider this dynamic standard. I won’t say that Gen Z relationships are perfect, but many Gen Z daters seem to be holding their relationships to a higher standard.
10. High Marital Quality Reduces Stress for 200 Couples
You don’t need to be alone to work on your mental health. Being in a good relationship can actually have positive effects on your mindset and well-being. A study of 204 married couples and 99 single people found that high marital quality led to less stress and depression.13
When I was single, I felt extreme anxiety about dating. I would obsessively check my phone, waiting for the person I was seeing to text; in some cases, I became physically nauseous from the stress.
In my current relationship, my partner has only helped me work through my anxiety. He supports me through life’s stressors, and he offers a stable, secure love that helps me be a happier and more confident person.
Of course, you can’t rely on your partner for everything, and becoming too dependent on them for mental health can be a dangerous line to walk. But you absolutely can – and should – lean on your partner for support.
11. Survey Found 10% of Partnered Adults Met Online
If I’ve sufficiently convinced you that love isn’t a waste of time, you may be thinking about where to meet someone. According to partnered adults, dating apps really do work. Pew Research Center found that about 10% of partnered adults said they found their love on a dating platform.14
While many frustrated singles and skeptical non-online daters may insist that online dating couldn’t possibly lead to love, the numbers don’t lie. You really can fall in love after meeting on a dating app. After all, for most couples, the important part is how the date goes once you meet up IRL.
We know that swiping can get overwhelming, and first dates are seldom as fun as hanging out with your friends. But online dating really is worth the work. Who knows: Finding love online might just save your life!
12. The Vast Majority (89%) See Value in Counseling
So you’ve hit a bit of a tough spot in your relationship. Maybe things are getting rocky out of nowhere, or maybe it’s been building for some time. Sometimes you need to call in a pro to help, which is where couples counseling can come in.
But you might be thinking: Who would agree to go to counseling with me? Well, a lot of people, actually. According to one study, 89% of respondents15 say they see the value in attending couples’ counseling, and 84% think it could be useful.
To be clear, there’s a big difference between seeing the potential value of therapy and actually going. However, an openness to counseling is better than nothing, and it suggests that more people are willing to ask for needed help than one might think.
13. The COVID-19 Pandemic Strengthened 38% of Relationships
The COVID-19 pandemic was a make-or-break moment for relationships. Some couples decided to move in together. Others had to stay apart for long periods of time. Under lockdown restrictions, many couples spent more time together than ever before.
While some couples attribute their breakups to the pandemic, many more – 38% – say the pandemic brought them closer together (figuratively, as well as literally). Happy couples enjoyed the increase in quality time spent with each other, and many were thankful for the built-in support system at a time of so much uncertainty and loneliness.
The Numbers Show Relationship Satisfaction Is Achievable
Don’t let relationship fearmongering keep you from looking for love!
It can be scary, but the benefits that can come from doing real relationship work are massive. Finding a happy and healthy partnership can add joy to your life in so many ways. Your partner can help you be a better person, and hopefully, you can do the same for them, too.
I don’t believe you have to be perfect to deserve or find love. We’re always imperfect, and we’re always growing. That’s what therapy is for.
If you’re in an unhappy relationship, consider seeking professional help or working on your habits before jumping ship. It’s much easier to get into a securely attached relationship when you’re secure in yourself.
And when you’re ready, don’t be afraid to be vulnerable. Once you think you’ve found the real deal, you need to take a leap of faith.
Sources and Further Reading
- https://www.eharmony.com/press-and-research/happiness-index-2022/
- https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/64-percent-of-americans-say-theyre-happy-in-their-relationships-300595502.html
- https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/02/08/for-valentines-day-facts-about-marriage-and-dating-in-the-us/
- https://www.innerbody.com/healthy-relationships-survey
- https://www.datingadvice.com/studies/healthy-relationship-statistics
- https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10001731/
- https://www.verywellmind.com/could-the-three-month-dating-rule-help-you-find-love-8667984
- https://www.newsweek.com/leonardo-dicaprio-breaks-dating-rule-1909560
- https://www.datingnews.com/industry-trends/dating-older-or-younger-trends/
- https://www.self.inc/info/single-vs-married-income/#single-vs-married-income
- https://finance.yahoo.com/news/financial-disagreements-strong-predictor-divorce-233000764.html
- https://journals.plos.org/plosmedicine/article?id=10.1371/journal.pmed.1000316
- https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/18347896/
- https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/02/08/for-valentines-day-facts-about-marriage-and-dating-in-the-us/
- https://www.withours.com/blog/relationship-statistics/
