Dating.com Survey Finds Post-Breakup Spending Exceeded $5,000 for Some

Getting over a breakup can be expensive. Just ask the 19% of Dating.com survey respondents who admitted to spending between $500 and $1,000 during the recovery process. Since 8% spent between $1,000-$5,000, and 5% spent over $5,000, it’s clear that heartbreak leaves an emotional hole that some try to fill with overspending. 

The problem? All this spending doesn’t actually fill the emotional hole left by a breakup. The damage is not just wallet-deep; we also tend to lose a sense of self-worth, which is much more difficult to recoup than money. 

Dating.com calls this the “Ex Tax” — the emotional damage that a breakup can cause, which can have deeper consequences than a misspent $1,000 ever could.

We all pay a slightly different Ex Tax during the raw post-breakup stage. Yes, we might spend literal money. But the way singles behave in this stage says a lot more about what they want from a relationship, and what they want from the dating industry overall. 

What Post-Breakup Spending Reveals 

Most respondents (59%) to Dating.com’s survey said they’ve spent money trying to feel better after their last breakup. And when you look at what daters spend money on after a breakup, you can see what they want most from the dating industry. 

In this case, 42% of respondents told Dating.com that they spend money on self-care, suggesting that the industry can better meet daters’ needs for products and services that promote self-healing and confidence-building in low-stress ways. 

For these daters, retail therapy played a pivotal role in their breakup recovery. Maybe it was a way to feel excited about something again, or maybe the sensation of clicking “add to cart” boosted one’s self-worth, if only for a moment. 

Or maybe it’s as simple as instant gratification. Either way, it’s clear that some singles overspend to fill an emotional hole. 

The connection between spending and confidence becomes even clearer when you look at what people are buying. A new wardrobe was the second-most popular post-breakup purchase, with 22% of respondents spending money on clothes. 

After a relationship ends, changing your appearance or buying something new may offer a tangible way to feel different — or even to feel like yourself again.

Breakup recovery, while expensive, usually ends the same way: With the realization that money can’t heal a broken heart.  

Regardless of the reason, some people do not hesitate to pour money into their breakup recovery: 11% of respondents have paid for a vacation, and 10% made the increasingly popular choice to pay for therapy. 

These may seem like wildly different expenditures, but the fact that we sometimes feel comforted by these kinds of expenses — genuinely valuable ones like therapy, in particular — proves that breakup recovery, while expensive, usually ends the same way: With the realization that money can’t heal a broken heart.  

And that’s where the “Ex Tax” gets interesting for dating professionals. The purchase itself may not be the problem. What matters is what a person is hoping that purchase will do for them — and whether it actually meets that emotional need.

Which Post-Break Up Purchases Do Daters Regret?

Spending money after a breakup did not necessarily lead to recovery for Dating.com respondents; Just 28% said those purchases helped them heal, while 51% said they did not. 

Respondents said they regret some purchases, from expensive nights spent clubbing or partying (19%) and brand new wardrobes (13%) to those infamously ill-fated post-breakup makeovers and haircuts (8%). 

Interestingly, the purchases people regret don’t necessarily line up with the things they were most likely to buy: While 22% spent money on a new wardrobe, 13% said they regretted those purchases. 

If you ask me, this is a classic breakup conundrum. To get bangs, or not to get bangs? To buy that fancy-shmancy watch, or not to buy that fancy-shmancy watch? Will either purchase really fill the emotional hole where your ex used to be?

Don’t get me wrong; this doesn’t mean that retail therapy or self-care investments aren’t useful in some way. In fact, more than half (52%) of respondents told Dating.com that they actually do not regret any of their post-breakup spending. 

More than half (52%) of respondents told Dating.com that they actually do not regret any of their post-breakup spending.

Why no regret? Perhaps because spending money is, to some people, a form of self-care. A new watch may not mend a broken heart, but some people see this kind of purchase as a necessary part of healing.

If they didn’t spend money in some way, it would feel like they’d skipped an important step of the recovery process. 

Overspending may not be an advisable way to work through heartbreak, but we can certainly understand it as a form of self-care. On the surface, it looks like materialism, but dating pros know it can convey something much deeper: A desire to cope, to heal, and to move on.