Key Takeaways

We all have a name we’re born with, but what about the titles we pick up along the way on this journey called life? Non-monogamous, genderqueer, he/him, bisexual, lesbian, masc, she/her, femme, top, bottom, switch, stem.

In 2025, when it comes to using labels and, of course, our preferred pronouns, there is no shortage of language to name yourself (especially when finding oneself).

But what happens when labels don’t fit or when gendered stereotypes get in the way of things like dating? What about the times when folks are looking for their LOML energy — or a casual date — but they seem to be foiled by the assumptions around labels or the need to use them?

Consider a femme-identifying person being ghosted after revealing they don’t want to be “the wife” in the relationship, or someone being confused when a queer partner says, “I’m masc but not a man.” 

Regardless of whether you’re straight or a part of the LGBTQ+ community, labels can and do affect us all in some way. According to Match’s recent Singles in America study, 70% of people surveyed say the gender gap is widening, and 85% say gender and label stereotypes have impacted them (especially in their dating life).

Don’t get me wrong, labels are a good thing! As a bisexual, polyamorous woman married to a man, I use labels all the time as a way to self-identity and relay who I am to others.

But when labels begin to feel restrictive, especially at the cost of finding a partner (or partners) or having a thriving dating life, that’s when we can (and should) consider alternatives.

After all, most users still report a gendered (and labeled) disconnect, despite dating apps like the ones you work for promising more choice and compatibility. Who better to help than you? The dating industry expert.

The Gender Gap and Labels, Explained (and Felt)

First things first: the gender gap very much exists. And so do traditional roles that linger. Men are expected to lead or initiate. Women are expected to be nurturing. Queer folks are expected to use very specific, very queer labels.

On top of that, women often say men don’t open up, men say they feel punished for showing emotion, and folks all across the gender spectrum (yes, it’s a spectrum) have a whole other variety of blah! to deal with.

But isn’t it time that we rid ourselves and our dating lives of all this expectation? Wouldn’t living and dating be much more fun without placing more societal expectations on daters than they need?

“I genuinely think that the prevalence of very deep rooted gender role ideas is a negative for the dating scene,” said Miles, who asked that their real name not be used. “The expectations, the behaviors and beliefs that people hold about who should text first, who should ask who out…are all placing very unnecessary restrictions on connections.”

Some daters are ahead of the curve, though. According to Hinge’s recent LGBTQ+ report, while queer daters are more likely to name and challenge these outdated roles, straight daters seem stuck. Ah, yes, that gender gap and more stereotypes again. 

“Although I respect people who choose to use labels for themselves, I’ve been thinking about, in general, how much happier I would be if we didn’t have to use labels,” said Claire, also not their real name for reasons of privacy.

“If doing something dominant didn’t have to be associated with masculinity, and wanting to be dominated being associated with femininity, I feel like people would be able to communicate what they wanted better without assumptions of roles,” they continued.

That’s not the case for everyone, though. Hinge does report that labels can, in fact, be useful among LGBTQ+ daters. But if we let assumptions guide who we pursue (or dismiss), we risk missing out on magical relationships. True compatibility isn’t about matching labels — it’s about how you show up for each other.

Still, what can be done to make those who are overwhelmed or alienated by labels — or who may not understand them or who feel limited by the gender binary of it all — feel more empowered in their dating game?

Dating App Design Isn’t Keeping Up

More importantly, how can you help things move along for the better?

In my humble opinion, you should start by addressing how your platform is contributing to the label and gender gap. Maybe you’ve got only default settings forcing binary choices like man/woman or just gay/straight.

Surprisingly, many apps still don’t allow users to fully express gender identity or dating expectations (like being polyamorous, emotionally available or even genderfluid). Not to mention, some (not all!) apps tend to reward a sort of gamified swiping usage that reinforces appearance and status vs. actually making a meaningful connection.

So, What Now?

So… the solution? I think it’s best to aim to create an experience with lots of options. That way, no one feels boxed in or shamed or misunderstood. Let your users — not traditional gender roles or label norms — dictate what your platform is.

Try adding nuanced gender and identity education to your onboarding system. Maybe even rethink profile design to center on values and not just labels.

Or maybe encourage some fun (and special) prompts that ask about roles, not just attraction. For example, prompts like “How do you show care in relationships?” or “What expectations do you not want in a partner?”

For more straight-leaning platforms, I think it’s also important to incorporate insights from queer dating, like the Hinge report, to help users break free from stereotype-driven defaults that still exist in the cishet world.

Labels Don’t Kill the Vibe — Assumptions Do

OK, it’s a big goal. Shift and reshape what folks think of the gender gap, labels and the stereotypes that come with it all. But it’s not a lost cause! Dating platforms hold the power for change, but only if they’re willing to challenge the gender scripts still holding users back.

I am a femme-identifying bisexual woman. But a few years back, I cut my hair very short. Like, a pixie cut short.

I remember that, even swiping on apps, folks treated me differently for appearing more boyish even though I was still very much femme! Men treated me like a person they didn’t want to date. Other women treated me more masculine. All because of a haircut! 

I can’t help but think, now, about how my experience might have been different had my dating profile not been so fixed on my appearance, but rather, my personality or values. Even having access to a voice note feature that could get my womanhood across rather than the assumptions made about me would have made a difference. 

I think, had I not been boxed in, I would have had a more positive and free dating experience. But hey, it’s not too late.