Everyone and their mother has heard of sugar dating at this point. Maybe, if you’re like me, you’ve even tried to personally join a sugar dating site (only to find them extremely disappointing).
Why? Well, there are just too many scams: men pretending to be wealthy, the platforms call themselves “elite” while delivering mediocre experiences, and of course, the knowledge that many legitimate sugar relationships don’t actually come from sugar dating sites, but from the likes of Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, or hell, even Raya.
“There are these types of arrangements happening on mainstream apps every single day. People just call them something else.” -Relationship expert and matchmaker Jackie Dorman
Which got me wondering: if sugar dating already exists on mainstream apps, why are we all pretending otherwise? Wouldn’t it be easier for everyone in sugar dating if they didn’t have to specifically use sugar apps?
Or, even more: Should dating apps allow users to openly identify as sugar daddies or sugar babies?
Sugar Dating Already Exists on Mainstream Apps
Listen up: whether you’d like to believe it or not, sugar dating already exists on mainstream apps. Whether you see folks saying they’re looking for “provider” culture, they flaunt their luxury lifestyle through that photo of their yacht, or they use coded language to describe the sugar they’re looking to give or receive, it definitely exists on “regular” dating apps. It’s just a bit more hidden.
“The moment they officially embrace sugar dating, they risk looking less like a dating platform and more like a marketplace.”
“I’ve been working with singles for years and people think sugar dating only exists on sugar dating sites. It doesn’t,” Jackie Dorman, relationship expert and matchmaker, tells Dating News, “There are these types of arrangements happening on mainstream apps every single day. People just call them something else.”
In Dorman’s opinion, though, having transparency is better than pretending it doesn’t exist. I mean, hey, people are already looking for these scenarios. They’re just using coded language like ‘generous,’ ‘provider,’ ‘luxury lifestyle,’ or ‘looking to be spoiled.'”
Why Dating Apps Won’t Touch “Sugar Dating”
So, why won’t dating apps just dive into sugar dating with fully open arms? Brand image, investor concerns, public backlash and the list goes on.
“They’re trying to convince people they’re helping users find love, relationships, and connection,” Dorman explains, “The moment they officially embrace sugar dating, they risk looking less like a dating platform and more like a marketplace.”
Most apps already have enough fake profiles, scammers, and people looking for shortcuts, so in their minds, they don’t need another category that blurs the line between dating and transactions.
What Happens If Everyone Just Says It Out Loud?
Ok, but what if we were all just honest? Wouldn’t it be easier if everyone just said it out loud? In my humble opinion, it would be much better.
Imagine if a sugar dater could have a sugar daddy badge, or a filter to let them know you’re a sugar baby, or even some kind of profile option for an arrangement-focused dynamic. There would be a lot less confusion!
“One of the biggest complaints I hear from singles is that nobody is saying what they actually want,” Dorman says, “”If someone wants an arrangement, say that. If someone wants marriage, say that. The more clarity people have, the less time they waste.”
Just like we have ENM labels, political filters or even family planning preferences on apps, why can’t we have a feature for this, too?
The Problem Nobody Wants to Talk About
Not everybody offering financial support is dangerous, but not everybody receiving it is safe either. With financial dynamics can come power imbalances, financial coercion, scams, and vulnerable users.
“This is where things get tricky because the second money enters the equation, power enters the chat,” she adds. With that in mind, apps would need much stronger verification, better fraud detection, age verification, and clear policies around coercion and abuse.
Is Sugar Dating Really That Different?
No, sugar dating is not that different. In fact, many daters already care about income, lifestyle, and financial stability. “Here’s my hot take,” Dorman adds, “A lot of people are pretending these are completely different things when they’re actually on the same spectrum.”
Most women want a financially stable man. Dating has always been transactional in some way, right? The difference is whether money is one factor among many or the primary reason the relationship exists.
What Would Actually Happen If Tinder Added a Sugar Filter?
“Half the internet would be outraged, and the other half would use it,” Dorman explains.
At the end of the day, sugar dating exposes something bigger happening in modern dating, of course. As you might have guessed, people are exhausted, lonely, economically stressed, and looking for shortcuts to security. So, yeah, sugar dating has entered the picture.
“Maybe the real question isn’t whether dating apps should normalize sugar dating. Maybe it’s whether they’re ready to admit it’s already there,” she says.
