We’ve all been there. You’ve been going out with someone for a while, and you start to wonder: What are we? Is this relationship moving at a normal speed? Does it mean something if our relationship is moving faster or slower than other couples?
It’s true that everyone moves on their own time, and no two relationships are the same. But it’s also helpful to know the pace that most relationships tend to take, so you can feel informed as you make decisions about your relationship.
1. The Average American Has Their First Kiss at 15
Feeling like a late bloomer? You might not be. Most Americans don’t have their first kiss until they’re solidly into high school, at age 151. Many kids don’t even start dating until around this age2.
There’s no need to rush to have a first kiss. As a teenager, you have plenty of time to decide who is the right person and when is the right time for you.
2. About 2 in 3 Adults Say They’d Kiss on the First Date
Once you start dating as an adult, kissing from the start of a relationship is on the table. According to one study, 68% of Americans are open to kissing on the first date3.
Just because two-thirds of daters are open to kissing on the first date doesn’t mean they will, however. Most active daters – especially those going out with online matches – go on multiple dates before finding that romantic spark.
Kissing isn’t a requirement. It’s something that happens if the moment feels right.
3. About a Quarter of Couples (23%) Wait a Month to Have Sex
Relationship timelines are always personal, and this is especially true of when to have sex. Singles are divided over when to have sex with a new person. While some singles are down to get intimate after the first date, 23% wait about a month4.
It’s all about different comfort levels. Some people want to establish trust before being so vulnerable, while others see sex as a qualifier for a satisfying relationship. As long as both partners are on the same page, neither approach is wrong.
Whether you’re ready to jump into bed or you want to wait a long time, it’s up to you and your partner. And it’s honestly no one else’s business.
4. After Three Months of Dating, 39% of Americans Think it’s Time to Talk Exclusivity
Perhaps the most contentious part of figuring out your relationship timeline is when to be exclusive. About 39% of Americans think three months into a relationship is the right time to make it official and delete dating profiles5.
When to have this conversation varies dramatically by culture, age, and individual. For example, most Americans assume a relationship is not exclusive until they’ve had “the talk,” but in India, things are serious almost as soon as a young woman and man are introduced6.
Don’t wait to talk about exclusivity if it’s gnawing at you. Get clear and talk about where you’re at emotionally. If you have questions about whether your date is seeing other people, the best move is to ask and be prepared for an honest and mature conversation.
5. Of Couples Who Met Online, 44% Became Official After a Few Weeks
While online dating sometimes gets a reputation for casual hookups, the data suggest that online daters are actually pretty serious. One survey found that 44% of couples who met online became “official” after just a few weeks of dating. Another 33% said they were official within months, and only 5% waited a year to make it official7.
Couples who met online
Couples who met in person tended to take longer: Only 31% became official after a few weeks, and 18% waited a year. Talk about a slow burn!
Couples who met in person
Certainly, many people use online dating as a way to meet people casually. But relationship seekers are online as well, and they’re motivated to connect. These daters aren’t simply falling into relationships; they’re actively seeking them out. Which means that when they find the real thing, they’re quick to hold onto it.
6. The Average Man Takes 107 Days to Say “I Love You”
How long does it take to say you love someone? For the average man, about three and a half months or 107 days8.
Timing the first “I love you” is easy to overthink. If you say it too early, you might scare off your partner. But at the same time, the whole point of being in a relationship is being vulnerable. I say the joy you can feel from sharing your love is worth the risk.
Tell your partner “I love you” when it feels right – don’t hold back.
7. The Average Woman Takes 122 Days to Say "I Love You"
Interestingly, women tend to take a bit longer than men to drop the “L” word. Women take about 122 days (around four months) to say “I love you.”9
I’d hazard a guess that norms around men being the ones to “make the first move” in relationships are part of the reason women take longer to speak their truth.
When a woman initiates taking a step forward within the relationship, it can feel like a bigger deal, especially if it isn’t reciprocated.
8. Typically, Men Know They’re in Love After 69 Days
But it isn’t just women guarding their hearts. While men tend to say they love their partners after 107 days, they know they’re in love — or start thinking they might be — after only 69 days in a relationship10. That’s just over two months.
It makes a lot of sense to wait with your feelings for a while before saying them. The early days of a relationship can feel especially dreamy (the honeymoon stage isn’t just for married couples), so it’s wise to take your time and really get to know your partner. Things can change a lot in the first three months.
9. Couples Become “Social Media Official” About 157 Days In
Most people keep their relationship a bit private – or at least, limited to in-person introductions – well, after they’ve become official. Bustle found that the average couple becomes official on social media after 157 days together (a little over five months)11.
Philosophies on when to go public with the relationship vary a lot between generations.
I only posted my fiancé on my Instagram after we’d said we loved each other, and I’d never posted a partner on my social media before that. Still, I have plenty of friends who will post dates with a new person as soon as they start seeing each other – it just depends on what makes you feel comfortable.
10. Most Couples Meet Each Other’s Parents by 170 Days
Shortly after the relationship becomes social media official, the parents start asking to see your new love interest. The average couple does parent introductions around 170 days in the relationship12.
Integrating your partner into the family is a big step. Sure, you have fun together, but are you ready to let them in on family traditions or let your mom get attached to them?
After six months, couples feel more stable13. Six months is also enough time for your partner to start learning about your family dynamics, which can be a lifesaver when politics come up at the dinner table.
11. The First Fight Typically Happens 170 Days in
Right around the time most couples meet each other’s parents, they also have their first fight. Maybe it’s related?
The average couple has their first fight 170 days into a relationship14, which seems to be the point at which the honeymoon phase ends and you start figuring out how to navigate life together for real.
You start getting frustrated with their communication style or how much effort they put in with your friends. Maybe, after meeting your parents for the first time, you felt like they sided too much with your mom. Whatever the reason, this is an opportunity to figure out how to communicate with each other (even when you’re upset).
12. Couples Should Vacation Together After 10 Months
Need an excuse to take a vacation? If you’re approaching 10 months into your relationship, you’ve earned a little romantic getaway. According to one study, the best time to take that first trip together is 10 months into a relationship15.
After 10 months together, you trust each other enough to have a general sense of whether traveling together is a good idea. You can get to know each other on a deeper level as you navigate new places and experiences.
13. Over Half (52%) Want to Move in After 6-18 Months
Moving in together before getting married is no longer taboo – in fact, it’s often seen as the proper decision to find out what living together is like. A survey found 52% of people say the best time to move in with your partner is between months 6 and 18 of your relationship16.
At this stage, the relationship is either heading toward marriage or stalling out. Living together will quickly let you know which way it’s going to turn.
14. Sadly, 28% of Couples Regret Moving in Too Soon
The consequences of moving in together too fast are unpleasant, to say the least. In the same survey, 28% of people said they regretted moving in with a partner too soon17.
Navigating the emotional pain of an ended relationship while sharing a bathroom with your ex can feel like rock bottom. Uncertainty is an unfortunate fact of all relationships, but make sure you feel relatively confident in your relationship before you sign a lease together.
15. About 1 in 3 Couples (38%) Get Engaged Before 18 Months
Some lucky people just know when they’ve met the one (or pretty soon after). According to WeddingWire, 38% of couples got engaged after 18 months or less together18.
That’s not a very long time to spend dating, but some couples (especially if they’re older) don’t like to waste time when they know they’ve met the right person.
16. A Quarter of Couples Wait Almost 5 Years for Engagement
On the other end of the spectrum, 25% of couples wait over five years to get engaged19. My fiancé and I narrowly skipped being in this group, having gotten engaged 4-and-a-half years in!
The right timeline for engagement changes a lot as you age. While couples who are still in school might find it appropriate to wait a few years before marriage comes up, older adults may know sooner. It just depends on your circumstances.
17. About 2 in 3 Dating Couples Spend Holidays Together
Family tensions can be at an all-time high during the holidays20, but being with your partner should – ideally – soothe some of that anxiety. WeddingWire found that 67% spend the holidays together before engagement21.
Not only do the holidays help you understand your partner’s family culture, but they also give the two of you opportunities to create your own traditions. When you get married, you become your own family unit. Spending the holidays together is a nice way to try that out.
18. Most Couples (72%) Live Together Before Engagement
A solid 72% of couples test the seriousness of their relationship by living together prior to engagement22.
When you live with someone, you can see if your philosophies on domestic tasks (dishes, laundry, cleaning) are similar. And importantly, you get to experience what it’s like to be around your partner 24/7, even when you aren’t “on.” All of this is a great trial for marriage23.
19. Before Marrying, a Woman Has 2 Long-Term Relationships
Most people don’t find “the one” immediately. The median woman has two long-term relationships before finding the person she’ll eventually marry24.
Even knowing that you’ll likely need to have a few serious relationships before finding your forever, the end of a long-term relationship is devastating. Just know that if you’re going through it now, something better might be right around the corner.
20. Men Marry at 30.5. Women Marry at 28.6.
It used to be the norm to get married in your early 20s, or even your teens. Not anymore! Modern men and women are both marrying later than previous generations did. The median man gets married at 30.5, while the median woman marries at 28.625.
Couples who marry in their early 20s face a higher divorce rate26, so there’s wisdom in waiting until both of you are mature enough to make such a serious life decision.
Even as singles lament that they’re struggling to find a partner until later into adulthood, it may ultimately result in stronger marriages.
21. The Average Woman Has Her First Child at 27.5
You might think that the average age of first-time parenthood would be older than the average age of getting married. But nope. According to CBS, the average age of first-time motherhood is 27.527.
It used to be scandalous to have a child out of wedlock. Now it’s more accepted (ish), and some couples choose to wait to get married until after their first child is born for financial reasons or logistical concerns. There’s no one right way to have a family. Do what suits your relationship, your child, and your life in this moment.
There’s No Correct Timeline for a Relationship
Your relationship — like the rest of your life — is unique. It may feel like there’s a “right” way to do things sometimes, but the only right path is the one that feels good to you and your partner.
Follow your heart and what makes the most sense for your goals, and you’ll always be right on time.
- https://worldpopulationreview.com/country-rankings/age-of-first-kiss-by-country ↩︎
- https://www.datingadvice.com/studies/high-school-dating-statistics ↩︎
- https://www.wane.com/news/national-world/study-finds-68-of-american-singles-would-kiss-on-first-date/ ↩︎
- https://www.bustle.com/wellness/when-to-say-i-love-you ↩︎
- https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/long-couples-typically-wait-becoming-161722077.html ↩︎
- https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-india-59530706 ↩︎
- https://www.queensmith.co.uk/journal/modern-dating-trends ↩︎
- https://uk.style.yahoo.com/average-time-to-say-i-love-you-new-relationship-123149717.html ↩︎
- https://uk.style.yahoo.com/average-time-to-say-i-love-you-new-relationship-123149717.html ↩︎
- https://uk.style.yahoo.com/average-time-to-say-i-love-you-new-relationship-123149717.html ↩︎
- https://www.bustle.com/p/9-surprising-relationship-stages-all-long-term-couples-go-through-16974026 ↩︎
- https://www.bustle.com/p/9-surprising-relationship-stages-all-long-term-couples-go-through-16974026 ↩︎
- https://www.datingnews.com/industry-trends/healthy-relationship-stats/ ↩︎
- https://www.bustle.com/p/9-surprising-relationship-stages-all-long-term-couples-go-through-16974026 ↩︎
- https://www.travelpulse.com/news/features/the-best-time-for-new-couples-to-take-their-first-vacation-together ↩︎
- https://www.sparefoot.com/blog/when-to-move-in-together ↩︎
- https://www.sparefoot.com/blog/when-to-move-in-together ↩︎
- https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/relationship-timeline ↩︎
- https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/relationship-timeline ↩︎
- https://www.apa.org/news/press/releases/2023/11/holiday-season-stress ↩︎
- https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/relationship-timeline ↩︎
- https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/relationship-timeline ↩︎
- https://www.datingadvice.com/studies/marriage-vs-cohabitation-statistics ↩︎
- https://www.glamour.com/story/exactly-how-many-dates-relatio ↩︎
- https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/median-age-first-marriage-geographic-variation-2022-fp-24-08.html ↩︎
- https://www.datingadvice.com/studies/first-marriage-age-statistics ↩︎
- https://www.cbsnews.com/news/average-age-moms-birth-cdc-30-years/ ↩︎
