Key Takeaways

When young singles are swiping on dating platforms, some have an unexpected person on their minds: their mothers. 

A new Hily survey asked 2,700 Gen Z and millennial daters to describe how their mothers factor into their dating lives. The results give industry professionals a glimpse into the average (and in some cases, not-so-average) relationship between a young dater and their mother. 

It’s not unheard of for parents to contact matchmakers in hopes of setting their kids up for true love. In some cultures, it’s even a time-worn tradition. But for the average young American, the role a mother plays in her child’s dating life can range from nonexistent to overbearing. 

Then there’s the age-old question new love interests in every relationship raise: Does your mother like me? The answer often plays a part in whether a relationship succeeds or fails. Forty-one percent of surveyed Gen Z said they would not date someone their mother doesn’t like. Thirty-two percent of millennial daters agreed. 

The relationship between a mother and her child’s dating life can have a surprising impact on the dating platforms used to facilitate romantic connections — and vice versa. 

Swiping Right Usually Isn’t a Family Matter 

More than half of people surveyed by Hily said that the privacy a dating app provides is crucial. 

A majority of surveyed daters (60%) said they are comfortable talking about their dating lives, including matches and texts, with their mothers — but only on their own terms. 

When it comes to conversations about the more intimate aspects of dating, surveyed daters are far less likely to give their moms the details. A majority of Gen Z (70%) and millennial men (66%) said they are generally unlikely to describe their love lives in detail to their mothers. Sixty percent of Gen Z women and 52% of millennial women agreed. 

Still, some mothers undoubtedly keep an eye out for suitable matches for their kids, especially the 42% of mothers who say they know the “type” of person their Gen Z child is looking for (only 33% of millennial women can say the same). 

Mothers generally know less about the type of partner their sons are interested in, at least according to Gen Z (26%) and millennial (30%) men. 

Clearly, today’s young daters value boundaries on and off the apps. Fifty-six percent of surveyed millennial daters have established at least some boundaries with their mothers regarding their dating lives. 

This number is slightly lower for Gen Z daters at 51%, but it still sends a clear message to mothers and dating platforms everywhere: “We value our privacy.” 

The consequence of betrayed privacy? Mothers being excluded from their child’s dating life. At least 40% of men and 58% of women surveyed by Hily said they have intentionally hidden a romantic relationship from their mothers. 

A Majority of Young Women Feel Judged By Their Mothers

It’s easy to understand why dating platforms that prioritize quality over quantity would be particularly popular with daters. 

Yes, some daters want to know that their expensive premium subscription is going to pay off, and others are tired of being matched with people who just don’t fit into their lives. Then there are the 66% of surveyed young women who say they feel their mothers have judged them for their dating choices in the past. 

Forty-six percent of men have felt the same way. When singles can filter for certain traits and lifestyle characteristics on dating apps, they’re more likely to find a match that corresponds to their — and their mother’s — preferences. 

If any dating platforms ever doubted the necessity of ID verification software, then this small but not insignificant statistic should change their minds: Hily found that 6% of young American women and 5% of young American men who participated in its survey have allowed their mothers to swipe on their dating profiles on their behalf. 

This reiterates the importance of selfie liveness verification, particularly the kind that prompts users to verify their identity on a regular basis. 

Mom Knows Best — For the Most Part  

Daters may not welcome their mother’s judgement, but they will occasionally welcome her advice. 

This is especially true for the 70% of Gen Z female survey respondents who told Hily that they have taken relationship advice from their mothers in the past. This is also true for 66% of Gen Z men, 58% of millennial women, and 60% of millennial men. 

Less than 30% of surveyed millennials and less than 20% of surveyed Gen Zers have never accepted their mothers’ relationship advice, suggesting once again that while some daters welcome outside advice, a not insignificant portion of young daters prefer to keep their love lives to themselves. 

Some daters value hearing about their mothers’ dating experiences. Perhaps this is because it fosters closeness and bonding, or maybe it has more to do with getting advice from someone who has been around the block. 

Either way, 29% of Gen Z and 23% of millennials surveyed by Hily think that hearing about their mothers’ past dating life could help them navigate their own.