Key Takeaways:

  • Chapter 2 surveyed widows and widowers for a report exploring the unique challenges of dating after loss
  • 63% reported a lack of support and platforms tailored to their needs
  • There are almost 15 million widows and widowers in the US alone, which means big market potential for dating apps
  • 90% of widows and widowers surveyed said memories of their spouse compete with new flames
  • They struggle with the question of how soon is “too soon” to date, with 22% feeling they waited too long

Chapter 2, an online community for widows and widowers, surveyed its members to learn more about the relationship between grief and love. The result is Chapter 2’s report, Your Next Chapter: The Challenges and Triumphs of Dating After Loss. The report highlights the discomfort many widows feel in the time between their partner’s death and their first date with a new love interest. 

Perhaps the most important lesson to come from the report is how widows and widowers crave resources about their unique situations, not only from loved ones, but from the various dating tools in their lives. 

There are approximately 3.12 million widows and widowers in the U.K., and almost 15 million in the U.S., according to Chapter 2. There are millions of men and women navigating life after loss, and many of them are seeking out accessible and affordable help navigating love, as well. 

90% Of Widows Can’t Help But Compare  

As memories of happy days’ past combine with hopes for the future, widows and widowers grapple with conflicting emotions. Grief and guilt combat desire and romantic curiosity. Forty-five percent of people surveyed by Chapter 2 reported feeling either guilt or general hesitation about starting a new relationship. And 12% of widows told Chapter 2 that their top concern was that they’d feel guilty about starting a new relationship. 

As author Sophia Dembling wrote in her blog, “Widow’s Walk,” for Psychology Today, “[Grief] has its own agenda… I don’t even always know what’s going to be right for me – how can anyone else?” 

She’s referring to the unsolicited advice she received following her husband’s death, but this also speaks to one of the main challenges faced by widows reentering the dating world. Not only are they grieving, but the memory of their deceased spouse looms large. 

Ninety percent of people surveyed admitted that the memory of their deceased spouse inevitably competes with new dates. And how can anyone compete with a memory? Even 15% of Chapter 2’s widows reported feeling worried about balancing memories of their late partner with a new one.  

Chapter 2 found that a widow’s greatest concern is being able to find a partner who understands their emotional journey through grief. A silver lining is that more than half of respondents — 54% — said they are comfortable talking about their widow status on a first date. 

Dating apps that help users have an honest dialogue about their past relationships are particularly useful for widows, as addressing widowhood right off the bat can help weed out insecure and impatient daters.

How Soon is Too Soon?

Widowhood looks and feels differently to everyone, but all daters can benefit from self-care and self-love. In fact, almost half (48%) of Chapter 2’s surveyed widows found that self-love was “very significant” to their healing journey. After all, it takes time for people to reconnect with their single, and sometimes sexual, sides after bearing the loss of a spouse. Self-care in the wake of widowhood can take countless forms. There are singles retreats, therapy, and sex coaches that all specialize in navigating life and love after loss. 

Then there’s the question of timing. Widows don’t only feel judged for wanting to date — in fact, 12% of people fear being judged, according to Chapter 2 — but a not insignificant portion of respondents feel like they’ve missed their window for true love entirely. 

Specifically, 22% of widows told Chapter 2 that they felt they waited too long to date following their spouse’s death. When is it too soon to date, and when is it too late? The answer is ultimately up to the individual.

In Psychology Today, Deborah Carr, Ph.D., reminded widows that there’s no such thing as a strict mourning period. “Norms have changed over the past century,” she wrote. “Widows no longer wear black clothing for life, or withdraw from the social world.”

Widows Seek Support From The Dating Community  

Chapter 2 mentioned how fear is often the reason a widow might hesitate to date again. There’s fear of insulting their spouse’s memory, fear of judgment from family and friends, and fear of re-entering a dating world they no longer recognize. Even 71% of respondents reported feeling “uncomfortable” about navigating dating norms in today’s digital age. Online dating in particular is a source of discomfort for 46% of respondents. 

Apps can feel like a young person’s game, which is why it’s so important for dating apps to be accessible to all age groups. In addition to Chapter 2, apps like OurTime, eHarmony, SilverSingles, and Match facilitate connections for widows and widowers. Apps that discourage ghosting and provide communication support are particularly helpful for seniors looking for love. 

Chapter 2 promotes itself as an accessible and supportive resource for widows and widowers. And yet, 63% of respondents reported that they can’t find additional supportive communities or platforms for widows. 

A word to the wise: Daters who feel supported by their dating tools, such as dating apps, counselors, and dating coaches, will most likely feel more confident as they embark on a new chapter in the dating world. 

“Our survey highlights the need for more understanding and resources as [widows] navigate love after loss,” Chapter 2’s founder, Nicky Wake, wrote in the report. Meanwhile, widows — and the dating industry at large — who read Chapter 2’s report may glean valuable insight about the emotional journey one takes in the wake of loss. 

“Start small, stay authentic, and trust the process,” Chapter 2 advised.