Key Takeaways

AI has taken over the dating industry — just not at Sonder. The London-based dating app start-up is small but getting mightier every day, in part due to its positioning as an AI-supported, but not AI-led, connections platform. 

Instead, the founders — Mehedi Hassan, Helen Sun, Lenard Pratt, and Hannah Kin, all in their 20s — name creative IRL events and free-wheeling profile creation as driving forces behind the app’s growth. 

Hassan told TechCrunch that Sonder was born from one thought about the dating world: “This can’t be it.” 

Sonder seems to speak Gen Z in a way legacy apps can’t.

“We didn’t learn that people are frustrated through user calls or interviews or any of that,” he said. “We learned that through our own experience.”

Sonder is not the only Gen Z-led dating app on the market, but it stands out for its investment in IRL events and friction-filled creativity. Sonder seems to speak Gen Z in a way legacy apps can’t. And perhaps all Gen Z is trying to say is that automation, while it’s fun and new for us, isn’t necessarily fun and new to them. 

“I think what we’re trying to bring back is that magic of bringing people together and meeting someone for the first time,” co-founder Helen Sun said. “It should be special, rather than feel like swiping through job applications on LinkedIn.”

Sonder Believes Friction Fuels Creativity

Sonder’s founders don’t only leave room for creativity; they encourage it. In fact, success on the app is largely dependent on the user’s ability to be their most charming, dynamic, and authentic selves. 

Case in point: instead of spoon-feeding users unique prompts, Sonder simply gives users an empty, unstructured profile and says, “Go nuts” (within reason, I presume). 

It’s a common theme these days: Daters don’t always respond positively to automation for automation’s sake. What’s the point of an AI tool if it doesn’t actually add real value to the user experience? Sonder believes in the power of AI, which is exactly why the founders hold AI at arm’s length. 

Of course, Sonder isn’t in the business of falling behind. Hassan, whose day job involves AI product engineering, explained that the app does use AI to analyze user profiles and suggest matches. But profile creation should be entirely up to the users, he said. 

After all, if Gen Z craves authenticity and IRL connections, then they may not respond positively to a dating app that merely uses AI to streamline profile creation. “I think at that point, it loses the human touch of it,” Hassan said. 

IRL Events Aren’t an Add-On — They’re the Whole Point

The Tinders and Grindrs of the world have hosted many an IRL event, but they largely see them as special occasions, or something that happens once or twice a year during Pride or Coachella. They’re treated as ways to generate engagement for the app, not connections for the user. This is where Sonder differs. 

IRL events are a major part of Sonder’s mission. The events are designed to go viral among TikTok-obsessed Gen Zers: There’s a speed drawing event, a powerpoint presentation night, and even a performative male contest. Good luck signing up for the upcoming presentation night; it’s sold out. 

There’s a lot of “Gen Z loves IRL connections,” but not a lot of dating apps actually making those IRL connections easier.

I can’t help but imagine our favorite legacy dating apps waking up in a cold sweat, shouting, “Why didn’t we think of that?!” It’s true that apps seem to view the success of, say, Run Clubs and Trivia Nights as pesky obstacles, and not as examples of what young daters are actually interested in. 

This may be starting to change — Tinder just announced plans to offer virtual speed dating and, yes, some IRL events — but it’s unclear if in-person meet-ups will become a regular part of Tinder’s mission as it is at Sonder.  

There’s a lot of “Gen Z loves IRL connections,” but not a lot of dating apps actually making those IRL connections easier. Perhaps platforms are so obsessed with AI that they haven’t considered the obvious: There are other ways to streamline the matchmaking process without tossing automation at it. 

Can Authenticity and Ease Co-Exist? 

We all know that modern daters are craving authentic connections, but we seem to get stuck in their simultaneous craving for ease. How can we give them both? 

For two years, I’ve watched the dating industry transform into something that values efficiency more than authenticity. Some leading dating apps are even incorporating AI into messaging, allowing users to cover their original phrasing with a glistening layer of AI-generated “personality.” 

I respect AI-first platforms and their determination to adapt to a new world. But this doesn’t mean AI is the savior some dating pros hope it will be. Friction isn’t a dirty word at Sonder, which is undoubtedly a breath of fresh air for tech-sick daters. 

Friction isn’t a dirty word at Sonder, which is undoubtedly a breath of fresh air for tech-sick daters. 

“We’re probably losing out on hundreds of users, and there’s a lot of friction setting up the profile,” Hassan admitted. “[But] we want to make sure it’s an actual person putting their own effort in to make that profile, because I think that also acts as an indicator of how much effort you’re actually interested in putting into your connections.”

To dating industry veterans, this may sound a little naive. It goes without saying that in a perfect world, users would happily create their profiles without needing us to invest millions of dollars in AI software. And to be fair, Sonder has a ways to go before it truly “disrupts” the industry; it has yet to raise long-term funding. 

But as Sonder continues to resonate with Gen Z, I can’t help but wonder if maybe this “perfect world” isn’t as far-fetched as the AI revolution would have us believe.