Key Takeaways

Alexander Lo and Muhammad “Ash” Zafar had probably never met, but their lives ended in the same violent way: They were both murdered by people they met on men-seeking-men dating platforms in British Columbia. 

Zafar was found dead inside a house on Dalgleish Drive on Jan. 5. The Kamloops Royal Canadian Mounted Police is currently investigating Zafar’s final moments, and has appealed to the public for more information. As Zafar’s loved ones await justice, Lo’s friends and family were able to confront his killer in court on Jan. 16.

“I cannot find myself willing to go back to the online app [where] you targeted Alex,” Lo’s friend, Richard Hesketh, reportedly told Lo’s convicted killer, Dwight Kematch, during his victim impact statement. 

Kematch is guilty of Lo’s murder, but people have also turned accusatory eyes toward what Hesketh called “the start of the crime”: Grindr.  

How Violence Disproportionately Affects LGBTQ+ Daters

In a statement to the Canadian Press, Grindr said it takes its role as a “connector for the queer community seriously.” But the continued violence against LGBTQ+ daters in British Columbia and around the world looms large, igniting concerns about dating apps’ safety for queer users. 

“Like any social networking and dating platform, there may be instances where bad actors attempt to misuse its features, potentially putting users at risk,” Grindr claimed. 

It’s basically impossible to say just how many queer people have met with violence after meeting up with an online date, as neither Grindr, law enforcement, nor any other queer-coded dating app seem to publish these statistics. 

What we do know is that young LGBTQ+ daters are more likely to experience robberies, sexual assaults, and murders than straight and cis-gendered daters. 

Last April, DatingNews reported how 50 London-based Grindr users were robbed by men they met on the app. At the time, we questioned whether Grindr’s online safety measures went far enough. Now, we can’t help but wonder what else Grindr and platforms like it could do to protect men like Lo and Zafar when they’re in a real-life setting. 

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Where Dating App Safety Tools Reach Their Limits

From an outsider’s perspective, Grindr does a lot right when it comes to keeping users safe. 

“We co-operate with law enforcement to support investigations and help hold those who misuse our platform accountable,” Grindr told The Canadian Press. The key, it seems, is to promote safety at every step of the matchmaking process, from the very first message to the moment a couple meets in person. 

This establishes a culture of awareness, keeping Grindr users accountable for their own decisions while feeling supported by the app and its safety resources. 

Grindr has several systems in place to catch bad actors before they get too far, including a content moderation team and policy enforcement team that “proactively removes violating accounts and content.” 

Users can “report illegal behavior within the app or to local authorities.”

And Grindr isn’t the only queer-specific dating app to prioritize safety. Like Grindr, Feeld, too, protects users from graphic unsolicited screenshots and allows for disappearing photos. And Grindr, Feeld, and Taimi all offer some form of incognito mode for users who want to explore the app in private. 

And like any dating platform, Grindr expects users to advocate for their own safety if the time comes — when a chat goes off the rails, when an online match turns threatening, or when an in-person meeting takes a dangerous turn. Users can “report illegal behavior within the app or to local authorities,” Grindr reiterated. 

But there’s only so much a dating app can do to protect users from real-world violence and hate. 

Grindr is the first to admit its limitations: “While Grindr is intended as a safe space, its features also have the potential to put users at risk.” 

The Role of User Awareness in Dating App Safety

Queer-coded apps like Grindr, Taimi, and Feeld offer safety advice that’s specific to queer users who want to date in the real world. This advice doesn’t only add value to the platform, but fosters the type of safe space many LGBTQ+ daters crave.  

As Taimi puts it: “For our LGBTQ+ users, maintaining a secure space is as vital as being true to who you are.” 

Grindr, for one, provides in-person safety tips for users in both low-risk and high-risk areas. It uses conversational but straightforward language to get its message across: “Trust your instincts, and leave if you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, even though it may feel awkward or embarrassing,” Grindr suggests. 

The app doesn’t advise people in high-risk areas to avoid engaging with the queer community, but it does suggest being extra careful, self-aware, and realistic. “Have a contingency plan for if you are arrested,” Grindr advises. 

“For our LGBTQ+ users, maintaining a secure space is as vital as being true to who you are.” 

Helen Kennedy, executive director for national 2SLGBTQ+ advocacy organization Egale Canada, told The Canadian Press that dating apps “are not simply optional spaces” for people in the LGTBQ+ community. 

“They are often essential tools for connection, community and safety in a world where discrimination and stigma still limit opportunities to meet in person,” Kennedy said.

“We know that online hate and harassment don’t stay online; they embolden offline violence,” she added. “That’s why safer digital and offline environments matter, not just for individual users but for the security and human rights of our communities.”

This is a call to action not only to Grindr and other LGBTQ+ dating platforms, but to “social media platforms, governments, and community members,” Kennedy explained. 

Only when online and offline spaces work together can the dating industry provide an altogether safer experience for LGBTQ+ daters like Lo and Zafar.