Key Takeaways
- Chinese parents are increasingly paying for matchmaking apps that offer control, intentionality, and reassurance about their child’s romantic future.
- Parent-led matchmaking can ignore the child’s autonomy, reducing adult children to curated matches shaped by parental expectations, and not by their own needs.
- Parents prioritizing material standards over personal preferences risks objectifying the very people they’re trying to help.
If you happen to pass by an older couple strolling through Shanghai’s People’s Park, looking to all the world like they’re on a mission, it might be because they are: They may be on the hunt for a suitable romantic match for their child. Now, this more than 20-year-old tradition known as the Chinese marriage market has gone digital.
The marriage market began as a way for concerned parents to spread the word about their child’s eligibility, usually on a piece of paper. Today, it has become a business opportunity for amateur and professional matchmakers alike, not to mention dating platforms.
The marriage market isn’t only about upholding the Chinese tradition of parent-led matchmaking, but about facing an uncertain future. Millions of adults are feeling the strain of a small and restrictive dating pool as a result of the One Child Policy.
The marriage market has become a business opportunity for amateur and professional matchmakers alike, not to mention dating platforms.
It’s not unreasonable for the parents of these children to worry about their only child’s future, and to play matchmaker while they still can.
After all, Chinese marriage and birth rates have been lagging for years. Yes, there was a 10.8% increase in marriages between 2024 and 2025, for an approximate total of 6.76 million marriages, according to Channel News Asia.
But this isn’t a reflection of the marriage market’s success. It’s most likely a result of new marriage incentives, including cash benefits. (Yes, some local governments are offering cash bonuses to people who get married). With this in mind, it was only a matter of time before concerned parents decided to expand their search to the internet.
For Parents, Matchmaking is About Peace of Mind
Parents are turning to apps like Family Match, Red Thread Matchmaking, and Perfect In-Laws to search for suitable matches for their kids.
Perfect In-Laws, for instance, is nearly an exact replica of the parent-led marriage market, except for the fact that it’s an app. The app claims to give parents “a glimpse of the future” — a promise that would reassure any parent dealing with anxiety about their child’s future wellbeing.
In fact, whether it’s done online or in public parks, the marriage market doesn’t reflect modern dating trends so much as the ingrained fears of China’s baby boomer generation. And it doesn’t take a social scientist to notice that many of these ingrained fears are not specific to China’s parents, but to aging parents everywhere.
Doesn’t every parent want the best for their child, and isn’t every parent willing to do anything to protect their child’s future?
The marriage market doesn’t reflect modern dating trends so much as the ingrained fears of China’s Baby Boomer generation.
Last year, the American matchmaking service Three Day Rule told us how a growing number of parents are willing to foot the bill if it means finding a suitable match for their child.
“Many just want to give their child the opportunity to approach dating more intentionally and meet more like-minded, relationship ready matches which they believe their kids aren’t finding on the apps,” Three Day Rule’s VP of Membership, Erika Kaplan, told us at the time.
The need for parents to be heavily involved in the matchmaking process says a lot about what they’re seeking from the dating industry. They’re looking for intentionality, as Kaplan said, but also for reassurance that the person their child intends to spend their life with will be able to support them financially and emotionally.
If they can’t find this reassurance in People’s Park, then they’ll look for it — and even pay for it — on apps like Perfect In-Laws.
When Dating Apps Prioritize Parents’ Preferences
If you take away the child’s autonomy, then online and offline marriage markets may seem like an efficient way to find a match. But, of course, you can’t ignore the needs of the people you’re directly matchmaking for: the adult children.
Kaplan told us that Three Day Rule establishes a clear boundary with clients’ parents. “The biggest challenge is setting expectations. Parents want the best for their kids, but matchmaking is most successful when the process reflects the client’s own desires,” she said. “We emphasize this early to keep everyone aligned.”
But in an effort to meet the needs of parents, some apps leave the adult child’s needs by the wayside. Both online and in an actual marriage market, it’s not uncommon to see parents list their ideal son-in-law’s apartment size instead of actual personal qualities.
There’s an element of presentation or performance to the market, with parents highlighting their children’s attributes to prospective partners — something that can feel uncomfortably close to objectification for some of those involved, especially when parents include information about their child’s height, weight, and appearance.
The Fine Line Between Advocacy and Objectification
When columnist Shzr Ee Tan took Shanghai’s marriage market for a spin, she discovered a highly traditional and organized approach to dating, but one that didn’t leave much room for perceived errors.
“Without a broker, without a photo, without the correct birth decade, without the right guanxi, I wasn’t just the wrong candidate; I was a category error,” she wrote for South China Morning Post.
Of course, Shzr Ee Tan was able to advocate for herself; not every adult child even knows that their parents have put their personal information, including their job and financial prospects, on a piece of paper in the middle of People’s Park.
Not everyone knows that their parents have put their personal information on a piece of paper in the middle of People’s Park.
Kailing Xie, an assistant professor at University of Birmingham, echoed Erika Kaplan when she told Rest of World that what parents want for their children doesn’t always align with what the children want for themselves.
“Parents are trying to control the selection process based on material standards,” Xie explained, “whereas the younger generation might care more about intimacy with the other person.”
Bringing apps into the mix may be a helpful way to streamline the marriage market experience, but only if it gives both parents and children a voice in the matchmaking process.
